A portion of a bouquet of white flowers from my husband. Beautiful–I couldn’t take enough photos!

They’re called baby’s breath. These tiny white flowers, no more than half an inch in diameter, are used to enhance the apprearance of bouquets and other floral arrangements. They’re inexpensive and they stay fresh for days, often outliving the more expensive blooms that they enhance.

The third batch in my 14-year-old daughter’s experiments with macro photography, this time featuring rusty objects. The chain in the photo above is actually part of a bell chime that hangs on the banaba tree in our garden. Sam tilted the camera to photograph the chain at such an angle.

When you marry, you marry a stranger. It doesn’t matter how long you have known the man, sometimes, even after a lifetime, one doesn’t truly get to know a person. If the risks for women in “ordinary” traditional relationships are real, the risks can even be greater when a woman marries someone she has only known through correspondence.

Michelle Rivera married pen pal Jonathan Nyce two weeks from his arrival in the Philippines in 1990. In January, 2004, Michelle’s body was discovered off an icy road in New Jersey. She was 34. I was already blogging at that date but I have not come across this story until now that her husband had been sentenced to eight years (only?) for the murder of his wife.

Start reading the story here. But since the story in that link is only the first part (the second part to be published next week), you will have to read the rest here, here, here, here and here.

1. Jon Limjap says:
   

   20060920 9:37 PM edit

   Haaaay white men. Surest formula to make those simple Nenes’ panties drop.

2. Sassy says:
   

   20060920 9:44 PM edit

   tragic, isn’t it? for michelle and everyone like her who thinks that the only way out of poverty is to marry a white man and live abroad.

3. George says:
   

   20060920 10:24 PM edit

   This has to be one of the saddest stories I’ve heard in a long, long time. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Successful business, then failure. Successful marriage, then failure….infidelity….murder… the works!

   A man may become angry at his wife’s infidelity but it doesn’t give him the right to kill her or abuse her. His eight year prison sentence (he’ll get out in five) wasn’t enough punishment. He loses five years of his freedom while his wife lost…..what? 40 years of her life.

   As for Michelle, she sadly, but expectedly, became Americanized. Not a good thing. If a man from America marries a Filipina and wants her to hold true to the Philippine tradition of morality……better to give her a good life but keep her in the Philippines, close to her roots. Are there any guarantees? NEVER!

   I took my Filipino wife to America for four years. (she wasn’t a mail order bride - I met her through a friend) She was miserable. She worked as an accountant for a large firm where her women coworkers pounded her mentally everyday for her views towards her marriage. I could tell that it was taking a toll on her. She also missed her family so bad that she cried almost every day. I finally decided enough was enough, I sold our house, furniture, cars, everything, and we moved to the Philippines where she has been delightfully happy ever since. Smartest thing I ever did. We have a saying back home, “When Mama’s not happy, NOBODY’S happy!”

4. Sassy says:
   

   20060921 1:18 AM edit

   George, “When Mama’s not happy, NOBODY’S happy!”

   I think my husband will agree. I sometimes think that everyone tiptoes in the house when I’m in a foul mood. hehehe

5. The Ca t says:
   

   20060921 1:55 AM edit

   My divorce with my Caucasian husband finally was handed down by the court.

   Oh he is a good man. Even his family. it is just that we click as friends and not as a couple. This he realized just recently.

   Besides he does not want to eat lechong manok. hahaha

6. Sassy says:
   

   20060921 1:57 AM edit

   but he eats lechong baboy and dinuguan? hehehe

7. d0d0ng says:
   

   20060921 2:12 AM edit

   The affair was not news to him after many years. I still can’t understand why Jonathan has to take Michelle’s life. Unless, the very controlling person, Jonathan cannot let go of his very prized possession, his once compliant Michelle, ready to leave him (sure enough to get half a million of the house equity) after confrontation at the garage.

   I can understand the jury of convicting him of the lesser charge of manslaughter, his intellectual background and well provider image being wronged by a tramp wife is huge with the jury.

   Hard to reconcile the result though, that you can kill a woman and get out in 5 yrs for infidelity.

   That is how cheap is the woman for the american jury.

8. BatJay, Ang Dating Folk Singer ng Ma Mon Luk says:
   

   20060921 7:23 AM edit

   pareho tayo ng blog ngayon - kaya lang yung sa sakin, filipina meets foreigner penpal. corresponds for 5 years before getting engaged. foreigner visits the philippines and pinay finds out that foreigner has bad breath.

   hehehe.

9. George says:
   

   20060921 8:23 AM edit

   “I think my husband will agree. I sometimes think that everyone tiptoes in the house when I’m in a foul mood. hehehe”

   Sassy, I think that is true in most households. Momma is the heart and soul of the family. She is the glue which holds everything together. Her importance is immeasurable therefore in the instant case, Michelle’s infidelity led to her untimely demise. When the glue come undone, so does everything else.

   I think, from the evidence presented that John thought her affair with the gardener ended in July of 2003, he had accepted her infidelity and forgave her. Then, six months later, when she came home after midnight after yet another tryst with her lover. It was more than he could bare, he went into a fit of rage and killed her.

   What she did doesn’t justify what he did, but if you’re gonna be the glue, you gotta “stick!”

10. Sassy says:
    

    20060921 8:35 AM edit

    Batjay, ah yun torture na yun hahaha

    Actually, George, the infidelity part is only the husband’s claim. It was never established as fact from what I read.

11. George says:
    

    20060921 7:51 PM edit

    This is what I read from one of the links you furnished…http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10995020/

    “And that’s when Hopewell Township Detective Dan McKeown had his first encounter with Dr. Nyce. McKeown was assigned to run down the alleged extortion attempt.
    In the course of interviewing both the husband and the wife, Michelle reluctantly admitted her affair“.

    In one of the other links it said the prosecution argued that it was not a crime of passion because he had “know about the affair for months.”

12. Sassy says:
    

    20060921 10:27 PM edit

    McKeown’s testimony is NOT evidence of the affair but a unilateral statement of something he says Michelle told him which she could no longer dispute because she was already dead.

    Re the prosecution’s statement you quoted, which link was that? Off the bat, I’d guess it was part of the closing statement and made to make sure that a higher sentence would be imposed–premeditation if he had known of the affair for some time rather than a crime of passion. See, if from the start the prosection believed there was an affair, it would never have called Larissa as witness. The purpose of her testimony was to establish that Michelle was an ideal wife. But then again, we’re reading a second hand account of the trial.

13. MitaMS says:
    

    20060921 11:59 PM edit

    Dodong, for some people losing control of their lives can be a very unsettling thing, to say the least. I guess this is what happened to the husband.

    As for the affair, police reports here are good as fact, if the report said the wife admitted her affair, it does become evidence. This report where she admitted the affair was an investigation into the extortion, a year prior to Michelle’s death.

    There seems to be a lot of crimes of passion in the US. In our little city alone, there were so many murder/suicides that involved spouses that happened last year. Some even involved children….horrible.

    But let’s put things in perspective, in the US these cases are reported. How many cases happen in the Philippines that we never hear about or are even reported to police? No matter what race/nationality partners have, relationships can get sticky because it involves emotions and all the human drama…

    DISCLAIMER: I am married to a Caucasian man I met online by accident, I did not advertise nor did he. I did not marry him for the money (he has none) nor the green card (I had a good job back home, never even applied for a US Visa).

    Defensive ba? Kasi I’ve also heard a lot of horror stories of the women taking advantage of the men by having affairs, leaving their husbands when they have their green card, leaving their husbands for a better catch. I know - murder is not an option, divorce is….but when you play with fire, you never know.

14. d0d0ng says:
    

    20060922 12:48 AM edit

    The defense was very good in characterization of the victim Michelle as tramp in having tryst with gardener repeatedly while the husband was working, and gold digger in hatching the extortion with the gardener and scheming to get half a million equity in the house. There is none on the prosecution side. The judge even take account of the excellent character of the defendant. The american audience including the jury is adopting the picture of the wronged husband instead of a murdered wife.

    I wondered how the 3 kids feel for their mom.

15. Sassy says:
    

    20060922 9:51 AM edit

    Re #13. “if the report said the wife admitted her affair, it does become evidence.”

    actually, it is hearsay. reliability and efficiency of the police may affect credibility but it wouls till be hearsay UNLESS 1) the extortion case went to court and there was a trial and the alleged admission to the police was presented and Michelle did not or failed to disprove it, or 2) the affair was otherwise proved through facts other than what the police says Michelle said.

    Whatever country the crime happened in, whatever the race or nationality of the people involved, media love to sensationalize and dramatize everything, ano? sex and violence sell.

    audiences everywhere love a scandalous drama, eh, d0d0ng?

16. MitaMS says:
    

    20060922 12:57 PM edit

    Sassy, it looks like things got to court before the murder. The lover got a 2-year restraining order to keep away from the family.

    Yun nga, Dodog. It’s always the kids that suffer for the mistakes their parents made. Imagine, no more mom then the dad goes to jail…no matter how muc h money they had, their lives will forever be tainted by that tragedy…like a bad country song.

17. Sassy says:
    

    20060922 7:00 PM edit

    Wasn’t that for extortion?

18. MitaMS says:
    

    20060922 9:35 PM edit

    here’s the link to a longer write-up on the case: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9906E4DD103CF93AA15751C0A9629C8B63

19. Sassy says:
    

    20060922 9:46 PM edit

    Thanks for the link, MitaMS. So there was a court proceeding where ebvidence was presented and admitted. Strange that the prosecution in the murder case still found it relevant to introduce a witness to testify that Michelle was a good wife.

20. d0d0ng says:
    

    20060923 2:27 AM edit

    scandalous… not only that….
    there is also skewed public perception among men of filipina as opportunistic and willing to go at length for economic reason

    nicole’s case is not from far from this thought.

21. d0d0ng says:
    

    20060923 2:59 AM edit

    MitaMS - to me the horror, is not leaving the husband but when the husband battered and abused the Filipina wife and hold her hostage with the green card. There are a lot of these cases reported in the Asian & Pacific Islander Institute for Domestic Violence.

22. George says:
    

    20060923 6:01 AM edit

    “Strange that the prosecution in the murder case still found it relevant to introduce a witness to testify that Michelle was a good wife“

    Sassy, right or wrong, many Americans have a cultural belief in an unwritten law that a cheating slut wife married to a faithful husband deserves whatever she gets. The prosecution was probably trying to counter that.

    There’s not much doubt that that belief played an important part in the jury’s finding of a lesser charge. This story is just so tragic and sad to me for all in the family. I wrote the following poem in which I’ve take some poetic license. It’s really too long so fell free to delete, it won’t hurt my feelings.

    THE STORY OF JOHN AND MICHELL

    John had never done very well with the girls
    He was very shy and abated
    He wanted to do much better
    But he couldn’t. his shy ways he just hated

    John was, however very adept at school
    He excelled in science and math
    He got a PhD, proving he was no fool
    And never provoked anyone to wrath

    Easy going but hard working
    He became very rich
    Established a Pharmaceutical Company
    Seems he really found his niche

    Without a woman in his life, things were sad

    His life was meaningless, worthless and bad
    He cried and complained to his only friend
    Said he hated the empty life that he had

    Then his friend introduced him to online dating
    He was surprised beyond words to tell
    He started online corresponding
    And that’s how he met sweet Michelle

    Michelle was sad, a very poor girl
    She lived in the Philippines

    She told her friends she’d marry an American
    When she was only seventeen

    Poverty was her way of life
    Little to eat and lot’s of strife
    She wanted to get online to date
    To meet her goal, to find a rich mate

    But she lived in a squatters shack
    She had no money and that’s a fact
    So to get online every day

    She would need money for an internet café’

    So she gathered, paper, plastic and trash
    And managed to sell it all for cash
    She could only buy an hour on the internet
    But she got lucky, it was John she met

    They communicated for almost a year
    John’s heart was filled with love and tears
    John was 39, Michelle was 19

    But Michelle was the queen
    Of all of John’s dreams

    She was amazingly beautiful,
    Sweet, slim and petite
    Much more than anything
    John hoped to meet

    So after a year, his heart filled with love
    He flew to the Philippines for his turtle dove

    He married Michelle, making her his spouse
    Gave her family support and built them a house

    They were married for fourteen years
    Three lovely children, no reason for tears
    Sadly enough, John was no masterful lover
    And Michelle’s eye began to wander to others

    John built a huge house on a large estate
    For all of his children and his loving mate

    But the house had no trees and it seemed a sin
    So John hired a gardener to put the trees in
    Unfortunately for John, that’s where his troubles begin

    The Latin gardener caught Michelle’s roving eye
    Soon they became lovers bye and bye
    And somehow, Michelle forgot her vow
    To be forsaking all others, she wanted him now

    The gardener was poor and hungry for money

    It was more important than Michelle for a Honey
    So the gardener figuring John was filthy rich
    Called him and told him he was having sex with his bitch

    He played audio tapes with him screwing Michelle
    John could hear her screaming with climax
    Of course John had heard her many times before
    So he knew she was having unfaithful sex

    The gardener determined to blackmail John
    Said he had video tapes, a complete set

    And unless he paid him five hundred thousand
    They would be shown on the internet

    John called the police and when it was over
    Michelle admitted he had been her lover
    Michelle promised to never do it again
    So John forgave her of her terrible sin

    In spite of a restraining order
    The Gardner wouldn’t leave her alone

    He convinced her to file for divorce
    And get lots of money for the home

    So Michelle came home one night at midnight
    After a tryst with her lover
    Packed her things in a suitcase
    And told John it was over

    John fell into a fit of unreasonable rage,
    He saw everything walking out of the door
    So he grabbed like hell, the small Michelle

    And slammed her head repeatedly on the floor

    So the story ends without rhyme or reason
    John is languishing in the State prison
    And for Michelle, there is nothing to rave
    For her body lies moldering in her grave

23. MitaMS says:
    

    20060923 6:04 AM edit

    sassy,

    That might be because the lover testified at the murder trial, as the last person to see her alive - and they had a tryst at some motel that night. He said it was the woman who insisted they continue with the affair even after her husband found out. I’m guessing there was physical evidence to support that or he wouldn’t have been so bold as to say so in court….he’s not exactly an upstanding citizen, uses a lot of aliases to avoid child support and the like…

24. Sassy says:
    

    20060924 1:52 PM edit

    Re #22. Wow George, so you’re not only a painter but a poet as well. Maybe, we can find an e-mail address somewhere to send the poem to John or to Michell’s surviving family and friends…???

    Re #23. “he’s not exactly an upstanding citizen, uses a lot of aliases”

    that struck me too. and i wondered if michelle knew that or if him being that kind of man was part of the attraction for michelle.

25. MitaMS says:
    

    20060924 11:12 PM edit

    dodong, what do you mean the husband held her hostage with a green card? they’d been married years by the time the husband killed his wife. her family was already in the US, petitioned by her I’m sure.

    Please, let’s not skew things to make it look like every Caucasian man who marries one of our own is a murdering scoundrel and every Filipina who marries a Caucasian man is a victim. I hate that “victim” role we seem to have a penchant for categorizing ourselves into….it’s what I call our victim mentality and it’s not good for us as a people.

26. Trosp says:
    

    20060925 5:28 PM edit

    Too late for me to comment but nevertheless, I still have something which I can say not an OT.

    Male foreigners have a new gimmick specially on bars. They will befriend the GROs and will promise marriage once they got back to their country of origin. In the meantime, while still in our country,everything is free - evening companion, tourist guide in the afternoon, etc.

    I have a personal knowledge of one incident and the others were just stories told to me. Nevertheless, consider this as heads up.

    Kawawa naman si Nena. Suntok sa buwan parati…

27. d0d0ng says:
    

    20060925 11:26 PM edit

    MitaMS - not this case, I was referring to the last paragraph in #13, horror stories of women.

28. d0d0ng says:
    

    20060925 11:54 PM edit

    george - you have raw talent right there…

    #25 - i’ll try to figure out where i stand on “victim” mentality, i will serve as jury in the 2nd week of October… i am excited

29. George says:
    

    20060926 7:18 AM edit

    I’m not if they would like this poem. It may bring them sadness.

    Sassy, I’ve written thousands of poems in my lifetimes, (so many years, sigh) - I have 118 (and counting) posted at this site under the handle of “Poetry Delivered” if you’d care to look. Some are pretty good and some are piss poor bullshit!

    http://poetrydelivered.deviantart.com/

30. George says:
    

    20060926 11:20 PM edit

    dOdOng - haha yeah my talent is very raw indeed. But thanks.

    Jury duty is an excellent experience. I served as jury foreman on two trials and came away with greater faith in our legal system. I felt very competent after hearing all of the evidence presented to render a fair and impartial verdict.

31. Anthony Vera Cruz says:
    

    20060927 5:20 AM edit

    Trosp: “Male foreigners have a new gimmick specially on bars. They will befriend the GROs and will promise marriage once they got back to their country of origin. In the meantime, while still in our country,everything is free - evening companion, tourist guide in the afternoon, etc.”

    In the end Filipina gets a broken heart and American Joe gets an STD. Match made in heaven.

32. George says:
    

    20060927 6:58 AM edit

    Sassy, I’d like your opinion on why there is no jury system in the Philippines and what would be the net effect if such were implemented.

I am good with the needle. Was. When I had 20/20 vision. When we were living in the city, I made curtains, my daughters’ dresses, even mine…

I like needlecraft. Used to like. Used to enjoy. I used to get such high grades in elementary and high school with my projects. I could sew well, I could do fine embroidery, I was good with colors…

There was a time when I thought I could create and blog about projects like the ones in the photos here and here. But the nearest I could come to blogging about homey and mommy things was this food and cooking blog.

Perhaps, if I stopped writing about politics, I could busy myself with needlecraft again.

More of my daughter’s photos. Her subjects are getting more and more strange. Above, that’s how a fish bone looks like after the cats were through with it.

Have I mentioned that both my daughters are into photography? These photos of insects inhabiting the garden are the first in a new series on Sam’s macro photography (she’s 14). She spent two hours yesterday crawling all over the house and the garden to find interesting things to photograph. I must say she found a lot of things that I would never have noticed. A child’s perspective is really amazing. Even more amazing is that she used her sister’s Canon Powershot A410, a mere 3.2 megapixel digital camera to take photos - all 101 of them. According to her, her Olympus Stylus 410 didn’t take macro photos as well as her sister’s camera did.

This spider looks ready to eat the bugs caught in its web.

It has dry, bumpy skin and it “walked” instead of hopped. I guess that makes it a toad rather than a frog.