I was reading an article about holistic parenting and wondered if Speedy and I had been observing a philosophy we didn’t even know there was a term for. I guess we have. There’s the family bed, for instance.
It is a modern practice to let a baby sleep in his own bed (crib) and, in some instances, even for the baby to have his own room. Sam and Alex had their cribs but they served mostly as nighttime playpens whereas their real playpen served its purpose during the day. They slept on our bed, one on either side of me. In fact, when they were about one and two years old, they developed this habit of sleeping on my arms — one upper arm served as a pillow for each child while I held them in a loose embrace with my lower arms and hands. Kinda hard when I needed to scratch my nose, really. But they slept soundly and contentedly that way.
When they are two and three, we moved them to their own beds but still in the same bedroom with us. A year later, we moved them to their own bedroom. But when one child was sick, it automatically meant she slept next to me so I could monitor her condition all throughout the night. And this practice holds true to this day even when they are 13 and 14 already. For some reason, my kids feel more secure and cared for this way.
At their age today, when they ask to sleep in our room, we let them. We all sometimes get this need for physical proximity during those peaceful and restful hours of the night. Crowded bed, really, and Speedy often needs to take out a sleeping bag and settle for a night on the floor but we do it anyway.
There was one time… well, I lock Speedy out of the bedroom sometimes when we have tiffs, you know? And, one time, the girls said they’d sleep in our bedroom since daddy was going to sleep on the sofa anyway. Sleep… well, the way things turned out, we spent half the night chatting and gossiping — very noisily I should say since the the story telling was interspersed with squeals of laughter. Girl talk, mostly. The following day, when Speedy and I made up, he told me he could hear us through the closed bedroom door. 
On cool nights, we would sometimes move the living room furniture, take the mattresses from our beds and arrange them on the living room floor. We would watch movies together until we get sleepy. Best time to watch horror movies because we can snuggle close under our blankets and giggle at how we love to scare ourselves silly. Sam and I especially love doing this; Alex isn’t fond of horror movies.
Family bed. Holistic parenting. New terms for me but we’ve been doing it before the terms were coined.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
noemi 03.12.07 at 4:26 pm
We had the family bed till the girls were fourteen or just two years before they went to college. Butch wanted them all in our room. I never knew of the family bed concept till Butch brought it up with me. I didn’t want it at first but every night, he would carry the babies one by one to our bed. He is very nurturing. hehe.
Christianne 03.12.07 at 4:59 pm
Connie, have you read this NY Times article? It amazes me that Westerners go to all these lengths to keep their children out of the parents’ bed. If that’s where they feel more secure and comfortable I say let them sleep there.
Judy 03.12.07 at 8:12 pm
I can totally relate to your story. I have all boys and my oldest is now 13 1/2, but we still manage to have cuddle time in bed. My husband thinks he’s too old to be doing this with me. On weekends we’d spread out our sleeping bags on the floor and have a movie marathon in the living room. I like that time with my boys, it’s memory time and they really enjoy it.
analyse 03.12.07 at 10:06 pm
that’s a cool way to promote bonding at home. i love the horror movie scenario, reminds me of my childhood moments. ganyan din kami noon.
by the way, i’ve written something on the same topic before (http://myhideaway04.blogspot.com/2007/02/co-sleeping.html), check it out
JMom 03.13.07 at 1:07 am
True, we did all of the above too when the girls were younger. We ‘camped out’ in front of the tv too, most weekends when they were younger. And to make our bed fit all of us, we put our queen bed next to a twin bed just so no one gets pushed off to the floor. hehe! Those were fun times. Who knew may pangalan pala no?
lemon 03.13.07 at 9:28 am
Hi,
This brought back fond memories ms. connie, of us sleeping between my parents whenever one of us was sick. Same with the movie fest.
Kawawa naman si Speedy, he must’ve spent those nights wondering what you and the girls were laughing about.
fengbrum 03.13.07 at 11:58 am
the family bed is a good way to bond with one another. i think Salem has thought of this consumer need that’s why they invented a bed (I just don’t know lang what’s the size was), but it’s about 30 percent larger than the Queen sized bed.
hubs and I earlier planned to have our son roomed separately after he’s perfected potty training at 2.3yrs and we even have talked about re-arranging Nico’s room which supposedly was the nursery, but turned out to be just an imbakan of his stuffs. up to now however, my son is about to turn 3 soon, the plan remains a plan. we just can’t help not to co-sleep with Nico. besides being paranoid (with me checking if he’s still breathing), we also wished to cherish every moment of him till his independent enough to be by himself.
sexy mom 03.13.07 at 1:02 pm
same here, we have bonded as if it were forever, bringing mattresses out in the living room, especially during rainy days. it was only 6 months ago, when eldest son J Angelo, moved to his own apartment, that the house extension was delegated to the 3 boys. the 2 girls were able to move out of our bedroom (though they could have long ago joined their eldest sister in her room), making me and my husband the object of their jokes–that finally, after 27 years mom and dad had their privacy. but it was not for long, for more than 2 weeks now, eldest daughter, 23, has been cozily sleeping in our room with me and my husband. she said it will take only a few days, she just wanted to be with us. why not? in a few years, she will have her own life, might as well enjoy her company now.
Sam 03.13.07 at 4:36 pm
I’ve tried many times to get my kids to sleep in their own room but for now they still prefer to sleep in mine. I’m not averse to giving in, as I know one day I’ll be missing them a lot!
Like when my eldest, then a newborn, kept sleeping on top of me. My mom told me to allow him to do it, because one day I’d be missing that. Nowadays naku he wouldn’t be caught dead snuggling up like that to me. C’est la vie!
Rach 03.16.07 at 7:42 am
My husband and I still co-sleep with our 3-yr old son. We’re thinking of getting him his own bed soon (to put beside ours). We hope to gradually get him accustomed to sleep in his own room. He is our only child so far and we love sleeping with him. But I guess he also needs to learn to sleep in his own room eventually.
Thanks for sharing this enlightening post.
Happy weekend!