Only in Asian culture (or so I’m told) do we have titles for Older Sister and Older Brother and, in some cases, there is even a specific title for First Older Brother, Second Older Brother, etcetera, etcetera. I think we Filipinos got the practice from the Chinese. Ate, the word we use to address or refer to an older sister is similar to the Chinese Achi (oh, please don’t ask which particular Chinese language Achi comes from — I have no idea).
My brother and I were raised in that tradition. He called me Ate and still does. When he got married, his wife called me Ate too. No such thing in Speedy’s family where all the siblings address each other by the first name irrespective of age.
When Alex was born… oh, wait, even before that… When I got pregnant with Alex, we prepared Sam for the arrival of a baby brother/sister by telling her she would soon be an Ate. Then, we raised Alex to call her Ate. What was so surprising was that Sam invented her own “title” for Alex — she called her Bulex, a contraction of bulilit (small) and Alex. It was so darn amusing that we — Speedy, me, my mother, my brother and even my in-laws — picked up the word and started using the nickname Bulex. But only for a while. By the time Alex started school at two-and-a-half years old, she was Alex and she’s still Alex to this very day.
The thing is, much later, probably around the time that Sam was 10 and Alex was 8, Alex stopped caller Sam Ate. It was a time when Sam was fast growing up to adolescence and Alex was still very much a child. They stopped sharing common interests, were constantly fighting and started referring to each other in the third person. When complaining to me, for instance, Alex would refer to Sam as She or Her, never as Ate. They didn’t even use each other’s names.
Then, Alex ditched childhood, caught up with adolescence and, once again, they shared a lot of things in common (for those of you with children who fight constantly, it’s possible that it might only be a phase). But never again did Alex call Sam Ate.
In a way, it’s a good thing. I’ve come to realize that AGE does not — SHOULD NOT — entitle anyone to special or additional privileges. In fact, it’s so damn feudal as it follows the tradition that Older Children deserve more. You know, much like the Eldest Son being entitled to inherit the lion’s share of the family’s properties, an so on, and so forth. The reasoning that these special titles for older siblings is a sign of respect is a little screwed too. Every sibling deserves respect, irrespective of age and order of birth.
So, Alex doesn’t call Sam Ate anymore. And Sam has long since stopped calling her Bulex. But they do have terms of endearment for one another — terms so unique that, for a while, only they understood.
It started about a year or two ago. Sam started calling Alex “Pangs” and Alex called her “Babs”. Pangs is short for pangit (ugly) and Babs is short for baboy (pig). These days, they call each other Babs. 
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
angela 12.02.07 at 11:22 am
Hi Ms. Connie!
I actually grew to dislike my “ate” status. You see I’m the eldest in our family. And usually when one of my bros (especially the second born) gets into trouble, I’m the one taken to task by our mother. (actually I soon realized the little devil was doing those things intentionally to see what punishment I’d get. mama’s darling yun e)
I grew up with “ikaw ang ate, ikaw ang dapat umintindi”; ikaw ang ang ate dapat ikaw ang good example”; “ate ka dapat ikaw mag-alaga sa kapatid mo”
a few years of having to listen to those can get rather irritating especially when your siblings take full advantage of the knowledge that whatever they do, ate will be the one in deep sh*t
Connie Veneracion 12.02.07 at 11:28 am
Oh so true. So much responsibility goes with being a firstborn (I am a firstborn too). Like we asked for it. Pros and cons ano? Firstborns are deemed entitled to special privileges but, at the same time, payment is exacted for those special privileges.
sha 12.02.07 at 12:04 pm
oh the guy i dated from nepal his family nickname is aachayo i asked him why is that… it mean youngest son and he calls his elders sisters
dhai and older bro bhai similar to our ate and kuya.
my sister never called me Ate my mother never encouraged her so i never felt that special status am elder than her…..
mae 12.02.07 at 12:37 pm
LOL that so reminded me of my brothers and sisters!
My second sister is called epal, the third brother is called pangit, fourth brother is called special and the bunso is called favorite (she’s usually called madam these days as in short for madamdamin) LOL Mine is the most boring, it’s just achie
hehe
Yoru 12.02.07 at 3:58 pm
Hehe… “Babs” - that’s so cute and makulit.
My siblings used to call me “Ate” too. But when I started living with them, the honorific was reduced to my mere nickname, “Tew”, which also means the same as “Ate”. I don’t think there’s any difference in the use of these terms (or lack of it) as long as respect for the other family members isn’t forgotten.
Lance 12.02.07 at 6:48 pm
Haha, Babs sounds very endearing. I was raised to call my brother Manong. My little brother calls me Manong too. In our place, it’s normal. My blockmates in the University here in Manila were shocked when I told them about it. But to each his own, I guess. It’s just funny hearing people call their brothers/sisters names, and do so lovingly, whether they admit it or not. Thanks for sharing!
marielle 12.02.07 at 7:43 pm
i used to call my younger brother ngetz for panget or bob for baboy — medyo similar to your babs and pangs.
ive always been ate. the first born- even my parents called me ate so that my brother would do, too.
then.. after passing the bar… i’ve somehow become “ate-T-Y” for ate na attorney.
i have a tito who calls another tita - “ate” even if he’s older than her because my tita was married to the eldest brother– they refer to it as– mas matanda na dugo (i think)
sorry… am rambling… taking a break from work. ive been a long time blog lurker of yours, ms. connie. first time to comment though.
more power (ha-ha sorry can’t help myself– so that’s entertainment / master showman naman my parting words)
Connie Veneracion 12.02.07 at 7:55 pm
Sha, o so as far as Nepal, the practice is observed.
Mae, HAHAHAHA Mas picturesque ang nicknames sa family mo. hehehe Madam for madamdamin is soooooo cute. LOL
Yoru, “Tew” is the same as “Ate”? Wow, I learned something new again.
Lance, with my cousins, Manong is the term used for the oldest brother.
elsie 12.02.07 at 10:19 pm
my father have 12 siblings and called their eldest sister ATE.While all of us pamangkin call her Kaka + her name, there’s one 3 year old apo who calls her “Lola Ate”.Akala nya cguro name ung Ate..hehehe..may lola na may ate pa!
Josie 12.03.07 at 1:09 am
I couldn’t have said it any better, Connie. I am a firstborn and was always told I should set a good example for my younger siblings (I have 5 sisters). Apparently, some have resented my “rank” when we were growing up but the issues didn’t surface until we were much older. I think the parents’ idea was to encourage or prepare the eldest to take responsibility, in case somethng happens (heaven forbid) to the parents and there are young children left behind. I often see this in the movies and it works there - but not so often in real life. I had copied the same idea when I became a parent but realize now that responsibility sometimes can be misconstrued as authority over the younger siblings. We are fortunate that in this day and age, children can express their feelings and concerns to their parents, allowing us to rectify some of the wrongs/misunderstandings of our old traditions.
Connie Veneracion 12.03.07 at 7:21 am
elsie, I think that’s cute hehehe Lola Ate.
Josie, “We are fortunate that in this day and age, children can express their feelings and concerns…”
Oh, yes, during OUR TIME, it was totally disrespectful to question, complain, object or even say anything that was not in complete agreement with what our parents said. I’d like to think we’re having some progress.
Kongkong622 12.03.07 at 9:05 am
I grew up as “Manang”..the one and only. Sa Ilokano kasi yung eldest lang ang may title na nakadikit sa pangalan. Well, sa family namin ganun. So all my sisters are called by their first name lang. Pero nung High School I refused to be called Manang. I wanted to be called Gretchen….hahaha!!
Funny lang kasi when one of my sister’s friends thought na ako yung “Manang aka head yaya” when my sister called me up from school. Sabi pa nung friend niya..”Wow, ang sosyal naman ng manang niyo..nag-eenglish pa!”
My kids naman ganun din..si Gaby lang ang Ate. Pero when they’re “galit-galit” they call each other “Bruha” and “Pangit”. Pag nagbati na..”Stylish” ang tawagan nila
But I think I’ll teach them to call each other “Pangs”…it’s so stylish..hahaha
Connie Veneracion 12.03.07 at 10:09 am
Kongkong, ‘pag “Manang” kasi, it conjures an image of an old maid. Naging yaya ka tuloy hehehehe Pero bakit “Gretchen” ang gusto mo?
Mila 12.03.07 at 10:25 am
Achi or achee is a fukien/minanhua (the particular southern fujian dialect) that many filipino overseas chinese use. The mandarin term is A-yi (I think, but don’t quote me on that one).
There’s a whole numeric system to family nicknames in chinese families, unfortunately facing oblivion with smaller families. In my large extended family, I used one set of terms for my aunts and uncles because I was the child of one of the brothers; my cousins who were descended from the sisters used another version. Imagine the babble and trying to figure out who was calling who in parties! I always have to ask my cousins “which aunt/uncle are you asking for?” One aunt would be known as Diko (if she were spoken to by me and my siblings), but Dipe by my cousin. Add to that her nickname amongst her own siblings, and her english name. Confused?
Kongkong622 12.03.07 at 11:55 am
Kasi kamukha niya ako…di ba? Hahaha
inna 12.03.07 at 12:39 pm
there’s 4 of us (2 girls and 2 boys). we use ate and kuya aswell. being the eldest, i need not call anybody ate or kuya. in fact, when my sister was younger, she messed up a lot. we started calling her palpak. it stuck…and up to now, i sometimes fondly call her “PAKS”.
right now, kailea, my 6 year old has a 16 year old halfsister. she’s caucasian…so i am expecting kailea to call her “ate”. besides, i don’t think kaitlyn is comfortable with being called “ate” anyway.
babs is cute. i had a friend in college who calls her dad “babs”. i wasn’t thrilled to hear that at first, but after meeting them and getting to know their relationship with each other- it fits. it was not disrespectful- but endearing and playful at the same time.
oh, by the way, when my sister isn’t calling me ate, she fondly calls me “POTS” for inna-potpot. i’ve no idea where that came from…
inna 12.03.07 at 12:41 pm
“….i’m NOT expecting kailea to call her “ate”….”
sorry…i’m getting used to a new keyboard.
angela 12.03.07 at 12:57 pm
I’ve heard of the Chinese “numerical system” from my mom and her siblings (at least i think it’s Chinese). They had Ate, diche, sanse for the girls and for the guys it was Kuya, dikong and sangko. I have no idea what they call sisters or brothers beyond number 3
I remember when I was a kid I thought diche and sangko were my aunt’s and uncle’s names hehe
Connie Veneracion 12.03.07 at 2:09 pm
Hi Marielle, sorry took time to approve your comment (moderation on for first time commenters). Got used to comment moderation off naging tamad na mag check hehehe Re “more power”: German Moreno style pala yun? Eh yung “God bless” kaya, sino nagpauso? I get a lot of both in Pinoy Cook, most times in combination, i.e. “More power and God bless.” Now that I think of it, showbiz na showbiz nga ang dating. LOL
Mila and Angela, now that you mention “Diko”… I never quite understood who was addressed as Diko and Sangko so thanks for the clarification hehehe. I think there is Inko too? Is that brother number 4? Or is that used for a much older ascendant?
Kongkong, LOL *thumbs up*
Inna, PAKS and POTS are so cute too. Although I always thought that Potpot was usually attached to the nickname “Jeng”. I dunno where that came from either.
rolly 12.03.07 at 2:59 pm
As the youngest in a family of five children, I have to call everyone according to their order of appearance. The oldest is Ate, the second sister is Ditche but we never adapted the sanse which should have been for the third one. You’re right, it looks like I am the lowest in rank as I have to address everyone with their proper titles. But this was just while I was growing up as all my siblings are already adults by the time I was a teen ager. My youngest sister is 13 years older than me. Of course, when I got older, me sungay na rin ako so bale-wala talaga yang mga title na yan. hehe
Connie Veneracion 12.03.07 at 4:07 pm
Culture + habit, di ba, Tito Rolly? Like, because you’re 25 years older than me, I can’t help but call you Tito MWAHAHAHAHA Favorite Tito naman hehehehehe
eilyn 12.03.07 at 5:50 pm
it’s really funny how siblings call each other “panget”/ “baboy”/ “epal” as terms of endearment.. my siblings and i also do that with each other, even if we’re all in our twenties… =)
as mila wrote, “atchi” is elder sister in fukien dialect.. the mandarin equivalent is “chie-chie”…
it’s really quite exhausting and confusing to remember all the chinese ranking stuff… i didn’t really have that much problem with this with my dad’s side of the family since it’s quite small.. but when i married into my husband’s family it gave me a headache to remember the rank!! thus i devised a way when i forgot the rank of relatives (usually extended ones… yep i also have to remember the ranking of extended relatives up to, i think third degree!!)… for older male uncle i call “a-pe”, younger male uncle “a-chiak”, older female auntie “a-um”, younger female auntie “a-chim”…. and that’s just with the father side of the family… =)
see…. even with that it’s already confusing… imagine to have different names for different branches… hehehehe…. maybe this ranking system is a chinese way of improving and exercising memorization skills… =)
oh, by the way… just an info.. “kong-kong” or “ang-kong” is what we call our grandfather from our father’s side of the family…
Connie Veneracion 12.03.07 at 7:28 pm
eilyn, gee even aunts and uncles have ranks?
Ah so it’s ang-kong, not inko/inkong. Truth is, I wasn’t even aware that diko/diche are Chinese salutations. I thought they were Pinoy, borrowed from Spanish culture. Yikes!
mari 12.04.07 at 4:20 am
this reminds me of my bunso. we call him “chub”, short for chubby.
Ami 12.04.07 at 6:25 am
Hi Ms. Connie,
Interesting views on family hierarchy. Here in Nueva Ecija, my relatives in big families call their siblings ateng, ditse and sanse for female or kuyang, dikong and sangko for male. The third child may be called KAKA and the fourth elder sister DETE. Now I think of it only a a tool to remember one’s order in the family because the NE culture is not as strict as the chinese.
I had my eldest called atsi (which is Pangasinan term for ate) and my second daughter ditse. In the future, I guess it will still have it’s purpose for understanding one’s roots and culture.
Jaecel 12.04.07 at 8:08 am
Hi Miss Connie!
Thank God my siblings are not as creative with names or they would have called me “Babs†a long time ago. I’m the youngest and I call my older siblings “Ate†and “Kuyaâ€. In our family, I have not observed any special privileges of being older or younger. Well, except that my Ate gets the new uniforms and books when we were in Elementary and High School and I use her ‘pamana’ for economical reasons.
My siblings and I are extremely close and surprisingly, we never fight. I find it boring sometimes. 
julie 12.04.07 at 12:53 pm
My hubby is the only “kuya” since he is the eldest boy. All younger siblings, including their wives, call him that. I am Julie to them since the only “ate” is their eldest, a girl. And same as with me, her husband is called by name. My eldest is “ate” to all of us, including me and my husband. Our only son is “kuya” to everyone, even our “ate” calls him “kuya” too. He gets irritated when the bunso calls him by his name since he is the “kuya”.
Hubby’s family is big on the respect-your-older brother/sister thing. I have come to observe that those who are older tend to see those who are younger, not really naman as inferior but as if their capabilities are not much worth. I tell my husband that (plus I also point out that I notice his other siblings do that to the younger ones) whenever he deals with his younger siblings as such but I guess, I can’t really do anything about these set ways. Hay..
julie 12.04.07 at 12:56 pm
Ay, I forgot to say that I have this topic in my drafts (about the eldest son) which I wrote when my hubby and a younger bro had a disagreement which involved a dog (and our eldest daughter). But I don’t know if I should continue with this, its like airing dirty laundry, hehehe! Maybe I will speak in riddles na lang.
ting 12.05.07 at 2:26 am
Can you picture in your mind Caucasians calling my daughter Ate? My son, calls her Ate right from day one so kahit nasa school sila, ate pa rin ang tawag sa kanya. I guess their friends got used to him calling her ate and they thought that ate was a name.
For me, our eldest brother over the years gained superiority complex because he is the oldest in the family. He thinks and thought that just because he was the oldest, we were inferior in so many ways. ie decison making, earning capability, etc. You can’t decide on behalf of the family because he is the eldest and the last word should come from him. He also has the right to physically hit you or verbally abuse you just because he is the eldest.
In the same token that our youngest also gained the superiority complex because way back when we were growing up, kawawa naman daw siya kasi bunso siya. So slowly, but surely she gained a position in the chain.
We were 7 in the family including an adopted sister who also gained her own special position in the family kasi kawawa naman siya at wala siyang kinalakihan na nanay at tatay. I was a middle child and you know what people say about middle children. I can however say that I was able to stand beautifully with all these status battles.
I can only blame my parents for the chaos that we always go through and have gone through everytime we decide on things as a family, if ever we made one.
Connie Veneracion 12.05.07 at 7:54 am
Ami, and I thought that Kaka was a salutation for an older person… But come to think of it, in the NPA, the title “ka” (short for kaka, I suppose) probably means brother…
BatJay, Ang Dating Hippopotamus 12.05.07 at 8:08 am
sa pamilya nina jet, kumpleto - lima silang magkakapatid kaya may kuya, ate, diko, ditse at hoy.
sa pamilya naman namin ay straight first name - gigi, danny, emy, ester, dante at hoy pogi.
Mila 12.05.07 at 6:19 pm
This would a be a fun topic to study! There’d be traditional filipino nicknames for family members, the chinoy versions, the provincial terms, and whatever else was thrown in the mix.
Ami 12.05.07 at 7:10 pm
Ms. Connie, I think the “Ka” in the NPA means Kasama or comrade. But in Batangas, southern tagalog, Bulacan and NE) Ka is as ordinary as one would say, Kuya, Ate, manang, mang or aling. It’s just a term of respect for the older people.
And in Batangas, the child of a Kuya or Ate in a family will still be called kuya or ate by the children of the younger siblings in that family even if he or she is younger. Swerte ng older children, pati anak nila older pagdating sa paying of respects.
dexie 12.05.07 at 10:57 pm
My brother still calls me “Manang” and I call him “Ading”. It’s our Ilocano heritage. But, I don’t call older people “Ate” or “Kuya” at all. It’s the “americanization” of me..LOL. Then of course, my husband I have actually been teaching our daughter to call her brother “Kuya”. I guess it’s still in me to teach some of the Filipino ways with my kids albeit I’m not a practicing one, except with my younger brother… hehe
Houseonahill.org 12.05.07 at 11:09 pm
Ms. Connie,
Wanted to say “Hello” even though I am a world away! I googled my own site and found yours back in July and read you pretty regularly. I wanted to comment today becuase you wrote about family. It touched me because my paternal grandfather was born on Leyte. He passed away before I was born and my father swears he never learned very much about our heritage. My grandfather married a creole from Chicago so that is the culture I was raised with. I SO enjoy your posts and appreciate it more than you can imagine. It is all I have from the Philipines, except of course my name! (de la Cerna) Have a wonderful holiday!!!
Best regards,
Dwana
Connie Veneracion 12.06.07 at 8:52 am
Batjay, anong “hoy”? HAHAHAHA Parang yung isang kuting namin ang pangalan ay Psssssst. HAHAHAHA At anong “hoy pogi”? Ikaw yun ano? BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Mila, just what I was thinking about hehehe Actually, I’ve been Googling, might have enough for a full column.
Ami, ah yes, very possible that “Ka” in the NPA is short for Kasama. Pwede ring Kapatid.
Dexie, “Ading” is younger brother in Ilocano?
jean 12.06.07 at 12:40 pm
my sister calls me “bading” and i call her “bru (short for bruha)…
although she stopped calling me bading a funny incident in the cemetery where a real “bading” came to her when my sister was trying to call my attention…
hehehe!!!
akala nya ako lang ang “bading” sa sementeryo…
Ami 12.06.07 at 2:16 pm
Ms. Connie,
While we’re at it, and since you’re googling, in Nueva Ecija, younger siblings are called “Pate”, short for kapatid. It’s the counterpart of the Ilocano “Ading” and Pangasinan’s “Agi”.
Connie Veneracion 12.06.07 at 6:28 pm
Dwana, you’ve never been to the Philippines?
Jean, hay naku I have a bading story to tell. Maya-maya. hehehehe
Ami, you know when we graduated from… can’t remember if it was high school or grade school, there was this song, “Saan ka man naroroon, sinta…” The word sinta was dropped and the word “pate” was substituted. It irked me because I thought it didn’t make sense — didn’t know that “pate” meant anything. LOL Thanks for the info. Now, I can better appreciate the substitution.
dexie 12.06.07 at 10:08 pm
Connie, yup, Ading is younger sibling in Ilocano. “Manang” sounds so ancient but that’s what my Mama taught us. Arrgh..LOL.
Houseonahill.org 12.07.07 at 4:13 am
Ms. Connie,
Sadly no, I have not been to the Philippines. I know it is beautiful and I hope to visit, it is always on my mind.
Best,
Dwana
Ben 12.10.07 at 10:49 am
Sassy another pet peeve tradition i’d like to mention is the act of ‘pagmamano’, as in taking the hand of ‘any’ of your immediate elders in their presence and bringing it to your forehead. Now, ever since my grandfather and grandmother on both sides passed away, i literally stopped doing that. What sealed the closure deal for me on that tradition was when people started translating ‘pagmamano’ into the cute english word named ‘bless’. BLESS for christ’s f&#cking sake!$?!. What the hell did ‘bless’ have to do with respecting your elders in our OWN Filipino tradition? Again, it’s this godforsaken colonial mentality that transfers everything from past tradition into this godawful american translation which never existed in ‘their’ culture in the first place.
When my nieces and nephews bring my hand to their forehead, I give them the good old american ‘retort’ (see coded obscenity above) while waving their hands away like flies. And although the retort is too colorful to mention here, they get the point and they end up loving me more for it.
Connie Veneracion 12.15.07 at 12:06 am
Ahhh, Manang Dexie… LOL hindi bagay
Dwana, the countrysides are beautiful. Can’t say the same about Metro Manila.
Ben, the pagmamano is just a version of kissing the hands of royalty. It’s “paying obeisance.” We got the practice from the Spanish, di ba? We taught our kids to kiss their grandparents as a greeting, walang mano-mano. I don’t do it; why teach them to?