I was waiting for the furor to die down before writing my thoughts about the “sexy mom” slash “sexy Filipina” issue. I figured there wasn’t any point in raising another angry reaction.
First of all, I hope that those who have taken the side of the original “sexy mom“, Dine, has not done so out of a sense of camaraderie, Dine being a Filipina, a mother and a fellow member of the Pinoy Moms’ Network. I hope that any and all arguments raised in her defense were made out of a genuine belief that there is no truth to the accusation that she is a disgrace to Filipinas just because she calls herself Sexy Mom.
Secondly, I am one of those who took part in the ‘Yan ang Pinay! campaign two years ago, hoping to change the trend with regard to internet search results for “Filipina.” It was an acknowledgment that the worldwide image of the Filipina, especially on the net, was less than desirable.
I ask that you read the What is a Filipina? entry since everything follows from there. Sorry that the comment thread has been lost but the entry itself is intact.
Read it? Okay…
After a few months, I took the ‘Yan ang Pinay! logo off my sidebar. The solution did not lie in Google-bombing. At most, it would have been something temporary and artificial. The solution was to provide more visibility to sites showcasing the the other side of the Filipina — the loving wives and mothers, the competent professionals, the outstanding bloggers with real messages to relay. That was why the first plans for a Pinoy Moms’ site was hatched as early as summer of last year. It was an attempt to create a balance. But lest I sound too noble, of course the intention to create another profitable site was also there. Ask Noemi — she was the first one I broached the idea to.
So, now I go to the issue of Dine’s pseudonym and the accusations hurled by a reader that using “Sexy Mom” was disgraceful.
“Sexy” is not the same as sex-starved or a belief that one is a sex toy. “Sexy” does not even connote a particular body shape or hairstyle or wardrobe. “Sexy” is a state of mind — a combination of a woman’s sensuality, her confidence in her own womanhood, her pride in being a female and her innate sense of power as a woman and as a person. Is that a disgrace? I think that’s some kind of wonderful.
See, sexy — like sex — is not dirty nor shameful.
In that context, I don’t see how prefixing “sexy” to what Dine acknowledges to be one of her most important roles in life — being a mom — should be a disgrace at all. I don’t see either why being a loving mom, a caring wife and a successful professional should preclude a woman from feeling sexy. They just aren’t mutually exclusive.
Is it disgraceful to the country as Dine’s commenter claim? Who has the right to impose a strict definition of what an ideal Filipina is? Who has the right to impose a strict definition of a Filipina except with regard to citizenship? As I’ve written over two years ago, I believe there is no one.
Have you read Dine’s blog? I may not see eye to eye with her on everything but, my gosh, she is one of the most prolific Filipina writers online. She was able to raise a family without compromising her individuality which she continues to assert today with her strong ideas and presence online. Why should she be lynched for her positive perception of herself? Does that deserve castigation?
I feel sorry for women who equate decency with close-necked tops and bottoms that only give a glimpse of feet covered in footwear that nuns would be proud to own. I feel sorry for women who think that the be-all and end-all of womanhood is bearing children and living in the shadow of their men. I feel sorry for women who live as though motherhood is a limitation rather than a chance for growth and self-improvement. I pity those who equate womanhood with a soft-spoken voice that is never heard unless the owner is addressed in a conversation. I am so sorry for women who are slaves to their own prejudices. I am even sorrier still for women who are too scared to be their own selves because they fear what other people will say about them. They will never know the liberating feeling that we bask in — us who have fearlessly and shamelessly accepted our sensuality and unique power as a woman.
Does that mean I consider myself among the sexy Filipina moms too? Darn, I’m not just sexy — I am forever sexy and beautiful. 
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Michael 07.07.07 at 8:55 am
should there be we, us versus them? they, the others, women one and all, define themselves. filipina, each and every, forever unique sexy and beautiful.
Connie 07.07.07 at 9:56 am
no, not versus. just balanced representation.
dexie 07.07.07 at 10:30 am
Heck Yeah, You Are!
sassy mom 07.07.07 at 12:37 pm
You go girl!
Dine is really one of the persons who really inspired me to blog. I just don’t think it’s right for anyone to judge her like that. Gosh! Open your minds, girls!
Anyway, you or we are sexy in our own right!
Connie 07.07.07 at 12:50 pm
I thought lilipas yung feeling na “kapikon naman yung Decent Mother na yun!”
I was wrong. I think she’s the disgrace for such medieval thinking.
noemi 07.07.07 at 3:01 pm
You are right about the meaning of Filipina. True, the google bombing is temporary that’s why I enjoined everyone to place “Filipina” in their main page or “profile” so it doesn’t get buried in the inside pages.
Just you know, I took over Dine’s throne. The “sexy filipina mom” is no 1 in the google search query for my blog. well, for now. hehe
Kongkong622 07.07.07 at 3:25 pm
Matagal ng problema ito. Even before our self-proclaimed DecentMama came into the picture. If there’s one thing we should thank her for it’s awakening our inner and outer sexy…again
Connie 07.07.07 at 4:31 pm
Noemi, I hope you’re having fun where you’re at hehehe Am babysitting Alex.
I agree, Kongkong. My goonies, I don’t want to be like her just to be called decent. Susme.
Mitchteryosa 07.07.07 at 6:51 pm
Very well said…. I hope that “decent mother” gets to read this article.
Connie 07.07.07 at 7:16 pm
Kahit hindi na hehehe ang lagay eh dito naman sya mang-iinis.
Mitchteryosa 07.07.07 at 9:06 pm
Para ba matauhan! Di ka nya kaya, I’m sure! Baka manginig yun hehe!
Connie 07.07.07 at 10:35 pm
Ummm on second thought, parang masarap yata mabigyan ng dressing down hehehehe
auee 07.08.07 at 5:25 am
I’ve been so out of the loop that I missed that ignorant comment on Dine’s site. Goodness san bang lungga nakatira yun
Gloria 07.08.07 at 10:07 am
I am so sorry for women who are slaves to their own prejudices. I am even sorrier still for women who are too scared to be their own selves because they fear what other people will say about them. They will never know the liberating feeling that we bask in — us who have fearlessly and shamelessly accepted our sensuality and unique power as a woman.
===AMEN!!!
Connie 07.08.07 at 10:54 am
“Lungga” sounds apt, auee. LOL Napaka-primitive ng thinking nya. Blog hop ka hehehe start with the links above. You’ll be shocked when you read her comment in its original form.
Gloria, I think she doesn’t like confident women. I was especially aghast at the keep the sex in your bedroom part. Like, why??? Was Dine talking about sex positions? LOL
SexyMom 07.08.07 at 12:33 pm
Connie, I love that forever sexy and beautiful part!
Connie 07.08.07 at 12:46 pm
LOL SexyMom I just bet you do. And so do I! hahahahaha
chateau 07.08.07 at 2:18 pm
Siguro si Decent Madir bumalik na sa lungga nya, hahaha. She needs time out in there to muse over her botched thinking. Sheesh.
vonjobi 07.09.07 at 5:52 am
“decent mom”? was this what she called herself? if so, does that make everyone who considers herself a sexy mom INdecent? i think not. decency and sexiness are not mutually exclusive.
the point of the yan ang pinay campaign was precisely to reclaim the word “filipina” that ONLY the sex-related sites were using. if we had been more SEO-savvy two years ago, we would have used the word “sexy,” too.
dine’s son was right, if people who google “sexy mom” are led to wholesome sites, then maybe they’ll have a better appreciation of what a filipina truly is.
but he also raises a point that female chauvinist sows (joke lang!) should consider: there are sexy filipino men, too!
i should probably start referring to myself as a sexy filipino male librarian =)
so many stereotypes, so little time…
Connie 07.10.07 at 12:21 am
Yah chats, she’s been kinda quiet. I was thinking, baka biglang maging blogger yun (or if she already is) and she joins PMN. Hay, problema…
Vonjobi, now that you mention stereotypes, my column today is about stereotypes.
lady cess 07.10.07 at 9:46 am
galing ng post na to!
KK 07.10.07 at 12:43 pm
Hi Sexy Ate Connie,
(aba mahirap na baka humanap ng iba). Unless this lady feels sexy, she won’t reach the big O.
Ang mali naman kasi hindi muna nag-basa man lang bago humusga. Bara-barang sugod! Kung sa gera patay na. If she only took time to read what Sexy Mom was all about(a classy sexy Filipina), she would have had an idea about the whole picture. Us women(of any race) we should feel and think sexy or else that spark which ignite our husbands might disappear
When I was in the Philippines, sex was a very embarrassing subject to discuss. My Lola didn’t even want us to wear shorts but she has 9 children- go figure. Over here, there is show entirely dedicated to sex called Talk Sex with Sue Johansen(she is very candid with everything about sex).
Connie 07.10.07 at 12:54 pm
KK, up to now, the older generations still think that discussing sex is bad. Nanay ko lang eh…
Re shorts: You know, I think it has a lot to do with the idea of Eve as a temptress.
Jayred 07.12.07 at 2:06 am
“I’m not just sexy — I am forever sexy and beautiful.”
LOL. Well, somebody who loathes the color brown must be “forever sexy and beautiful.”
Connie 07.12.07 at 6:56 am
LOL Jayred, nothing to do with color. It’s how you feel and project yourself, di ba?
Jayred 07.12.07 at 2:08 pm
For sure. I was just teasing you.
I was labelled a “square, unsexy Manang” for wearing brown pants and blazers.
Jayred 07.12.07 at 2:40 pm
“After a few months, I took the ‘Yan ang Pinay! logo off my sidebar. The solution did not lie in Google-bombing. At most, it would have been something temporary and artificial. The solution was to provide more visibility to sites showcasing the the other side of the Filipina — the loving wives and mothers, the competent professionals, the outstanding bloggers with real messages to relay.”
I was just thinking, why should we care at all what others think of us? Truth be told, there are indeed lots of sites (Filipino dating sites or mail-order bride sites) that proliferate on the WWW that do taint our reputation as decent Filipinas. It’s beyond our control. I think we should just do what we deem right and decent, and the (positive) results will just follow (your sites, Sassy, are a good example; for that, bravo!).
When I first came here in Switzerland, my stepmother-in-law thought I was one of those Filipino mail-order brides from the province who wanted to marry Swiss men for money (there ae lots here). I couldn’t really blame her since her assumption was based on something that was really happening here — and elsewhere. However, it had to be corrected verbally in due time. But after that, I really didn’t care anymore what my in-laws and other unexposed Swiss people think of me. Let them judge me, but I know what’s true and what’s not.
The important thing is, we know who we are and what we’re worth. And that we have the choice to do the right thing. Let’s not worry about our “image” — online or offline. Let’s be more keen on building a good “character.”
There will always be people who will type “sexy Pinays” or “Filipino women for sex” in the Google search box. We cannot really do anything about it. The demand is there, as well as the supply (sad to say). These people will seek, and they will find. In their perverted world, they don’t really care if there are sites with good content made by Filipino women because their minds are focused on something else — that is, finding that “sexy Filipina” with whom they can have some good time. So why even bother with such lowlifes? I personally think it’s beneath us.
While the Google-bombing campaign had good intentions, I think it just served as a superficial solution to a Philippine socio-economic problem that has been plaguing our nation for many years now.
Connie 07.12.07 at 4:37 pm
Jayred, re browns: if you’re the manang, my kids say I’m teenager who refuses to give up my shorts and sneakers hahahahaha Eh maginhawa eh!
Re: Filipinas. That was how I felt too when I wrote What is a Filipina?. Humans have an instinct for survival. For many Filipinas, well… that is their way out — marry a wealthy foreigner. How can anyone blame them for wanting better lives? We can only hope that our own kids won’t feel so pushed against the wall (or too lazy to earn their keep).
anaps 07.15.07 at 7:03 am
Hi, pwede bang makipag ex-link sa iyo? I am hopping by galing sa blog ni Kadyo. Anyway, you have a neat blog, I enjoyed my stay here.
Tedel 09.27.07 at 4:22 am
As I see it, your article does not only talk about Filipinas, it reflects something every man (like me) should need to understand about femininity in every woman on earth. I applaud your article. Congratulations.