Nearer 50 than 40, and having a ball
Everyone said you start feeling old after your 20s but I felt nothing like that when I turned 30. I was enjoying raising two young girls and having a ball. Everyone said that at the onset of midlife, you start asking yourself what you have done with your life and really start feeling old. Not me. When I turned 40, I didn’t feel old. Today, I turn 46 and that’s nearer 50 than 40. Well into my midlife. My firstborn is in college; my younger girl in her last year in high school.
Am I old? Are you nuts? I’m still having a ball. Just like I was when I was 16, 25, 37, 40… Some people my age think about death seriously. I know many who have taken memorial plans. But me? Not too long ago, I told my husband that when I go, I want to be standing on some cliff or seashore, taking photos and still thinking about how well to capture the moment in words and images.
Is it a case of denial? Hell, no. I am very well aware of how different I am, of the physical changes I have undergone, of the fact that my body is subject to wear and tear and to that all-encompassing rule about all physical objects having a definite life span. I can’t swim like I could when I was 16. Two laps and my breath comes in in short gasps these days. So I’m thirty pounds heavier. Maybe more. The skin on my face and neck isn’t as smooth and supple as it used to be, fine wrinkles are starting to show and the flesh around my jaw is not as taut as it was when I was 30. But I don’t look at any of that as growing old. I look at all of that as living life and proudly showing how much of my life I’ve lived so far.
Being old is a state of mind. It carries with it the notion that one is past his prime and no longer able to be as productive as he was when he was much younger. But productivity has many connotations. Being old carries an implication too that one is no longer capable of having fun. That’s a lot of baloney. Productivity and the ability to have fun have nothing to do with calendar years. They have everything to do with a person’s outlook in life.
Being old also carries that stigma of losing one’s good looks – a stigma perpetrated by the cosmetic, medical and advertising industries with the able help of news and entertainment media, their favorite partners-in-crime. This obsession to recapture fading youth, this fixation with freezing time, this mania to die at 80 looking like one is only 40 has become an epidemic.
But what does looking good really mean? I’m sure you’ve heard of actress Annette Bening and you’ve probably seen some of her films. She was beautiful at 33 when she appeared in Bugsy in 1991 with Warren Beatty. She is 51 today, skin and flesh show her age, but she looks gorgeous because beyond the wrinkles, what one sees is the glowing persona of a woman who has lived a full live, in control of what she wants for herself both personally and professionally. This is a woman at peace with herself and secure in her person.
How to do that? Let me share with you a conversion I recently had with my almost 16-year-old daughter, Alex, who intends to take up a course in Film in college and who was telling me every reason why I should enroll in film myself. Two weeks ago, we visited the Marilou Diaz Abaya Film Institute and learned that workshops are conducted occasionally aside from the full courses. And Alex told me why shouldn’t I enroll in film courses when once upon a time it was my dream to study theater arts except that my parents objected because they didn’t think that any profession related with the performing arts was respectable at all.
Just to see how she would react, I said, “But don’t you think I’m a bit too old to start a new career?” And she looked at me as though she couldn’t believe I said that. Me – of all people saying something like that. And she said it doesn’t have to be a new career but just doing something I’ve always loved. As a hobby. As a vocation. And I loved her for saying that – all of that, in fact – because I knew I had somehow succeeded in planting a seed. I know that when she is about to turn 46 and she feels she still hasn’t done everything she has dreamed of doing, she won’t chicken out just because of her age.
The thing is, I am now in love with another theater and production is no longer on a physical stage. I love writing. I love photography. And I love Asia. So I am now heavily involved in a theater that I have defined and a stage that I have created. And it’s a grand production that I intend to see completion before that day on some cliff or seashore when, camera still in hand and notebook lying somewhere near, I finally expire with a smile on my face. If that sounds cryptic, well, all will be clear in time. All in good time.
It is the daring spirit who chooses to live as he believes that truly exudes beauty that transcends the ephemeral. I say, find your corner of the sky and live out the rest of your life doing what makes you happy. Follow your dreams and be a real person rather than treat your body as a mold to change and tweak with every passing fashion and craze. Then, it won’t matter whether you’re 20 or 40 or 60. You will always be productive, able to have fun and stay beautiful.
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[...] taking a break from the usual recipe posting because I didn’t cook anything yesterday. It was my birthday, one of the two days each year when I pamper myself senseless by not doing any ch… Instead, Speedy and I had lunch at a restaurant of my choice. And, yesterday, I chose Han Pao Tea [...]
We feast everyday!
Finally I’m commenting after just a lurker and admirer for a long time but I can’t help myself it’s like reading my own thoughts coz n a few months I’ll be turning 40. The difference is I’m a late bloomer my kid is only 3 yrs old and I went back to college so my I fell 25 but the mirror is saying the opposite but I don’t care.
You’re right it’s more fulfilling what you feel in the inside than what you see on the outside. It’s better to pursue a hobby or a dream than putting all your energies in stopping the unstoppable.
Congratulations.
Happy birthday ms. connie! Well said, age is just a number! Live life to the fullest! I like the picture you posted, it just shows na you are really having a ball.
Happy Birthday!
Looking forward to watching/reading/seeing/viewing your upcoming production
Age is only a state of mind. Life is what you make it. In other words, let’s live our life to the fullest. Happy Birthday Connie! May you have many more birthdays to come so you can inspire more readers with your thoughts.
Happy birthday attorney! I wish you good health and more birthdays to come and of course, more thought provoking articles to write.
Congratulations to Speedy for having you as his partner, wife and friend. Enjoy your special day!
Happy Birthday, Connie! Naku, I have been greeting you everywhere -on twitter, on your blog.. Hmm.. mai-add ka nga sa Facebook.. hahaha! Have fun!
Happy birthday, sassy lawyer. I am a fan. I love reading your posts everyday. It’s true that age is just a number, I just finished my first full marathon last sunday before I turn 40 this december. I wish all your wishes come true! God bless you and your family.
With someone as intelligent, talented and creative as you are, any age is an age well-lived. You are born with a great gift, a beautiful mind, and damned if we are to find more than handful of your kind. It’s only right that you feel as you do. I was one of those who misunderstood you once. But I keep coming, each and everyday. I think it’s simply because of the honesty in your writing. And I really appreciate honesty. Happy birthday, and best wishes!
happy birthday sassy!
from an avid reader of your blog.
Haaay.. oo nga nman. Again, thanks for another lesson in life..
Happy Birthday! God bless you & your family!
Wow! Happy happy birthday, Connie… Sharing your sentiments and your positive attitude towards life to us your readers all at once magnifies the grandness of the scale by which we can all view this thing called age. I have also committed to live by the very beliefs that you shared. This reminds me of a line that I heard from an old movie seen on HBO… “Find your joy. Whatever it is, find your joy!”
And thanks for your candidness— and I admire the truth in your inspiring message. You see, we do not need to hide and deny the numbers that are just numbers anyway… and I also like the candidness of the photo you posted. Sa Tagaytay ba yun?
I do wish you a happy birthday! I absolutely adored what you wrote; a lot of people today see growing old as an illness that should be aggressively ‘treated’. I still remember when a head of white hair was seen as respectable, as each strand of white hair was seen as a trial you ’survived’ and learned from. I am heartened that you have passed on your attitude to your daughter.
Happy Birthday Ms. Connie!And you’re right ageing is just a state of the mind.If you feel young then you are young!If you feel old then you are old!May you have many more birthdays to come!
Happy 46th Birthday Ms. Connie! Be proud and stand proud. Natural beauty should always come out. God gave us these gifts and we should nurture it and not deviate from it. God bless you & your family.
I share your sentiments. Someone said that “You are as old as you think” and I find
it so true. It’s a privilege to use my 59 year old legs running after a super likot apo.
Ganoon pala pag tumatanda,ganoon pa rin ako humalakhak…hahahaha.
Happy Birthday again, Connie. May you be blessed with many,many more happy and healthy years. Remember, what makes us feeling young ….your recipes.
And I think what makes you feel young are the love and support of your family.
Naks naman…ang sweet ng pix.
happy birthday po!! I learn so many things just reading your posts. and Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts with us! happy birthday
Happy birthday! To let the whole world know your age is so refreshing! … Me too, I just turned 44 and proud for each and every year … Keep blogging …. reading it is such a joy
& oh yeah, have fun shopping today!!
Happy birthday! I enjoyed reading your thoughts. You’re raising your children so well. =)
Happy birthday Connie. Stay as sassy as ever…..
BRAVO!!!!!!!An outstanding piece of literature. Mukhang super inspired ka ngayon which is well and good for us-your avid readers. I hope you had a super birthday. If you don;t mind Connie, I would like to frame the last paragraph of this article because it really hit the nail on the head (my head). Ok ok so i promise to learn how to upload pictures in the computer this year hahaha. By the way tonights supper menu has a theme -Pinoy Cook ala Connie in honor of your birthday. It will be baked salmon with vegetables, waldorf salad, and bread pudding. There will be eight of us toasting you for many more years of delightful and magnificent writing and oh the gooood eating we we so enjoy.
Happy Birthday Connie! Thank you for many interesting, thought provoking and delicious posts over the years! Looking great!
best wishes on your birthday, and may the next year be as blessed. we are strangers but it does not matter. through your blog and insights, i have been inspired and guided. if yours is still not a life well-lived, then what is? i take your personal milestone then as an opportunity to thank you for your contribution to my own life, even if you may not be aware of it. sincerely,
hi ms. connie, first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I’m a regular silent lurker too but can’t help but comment this time. Thanks for sharing these inspiring thoughts and you’re right, there’s no limit to what we can do and there’s no stopping to chasing our dreams even if we’re 30, 40, 60 and up years old.
Happy birthday to you! What a lovely, happy picture you have right there. More power, more joys, and more blog entries from you in the many years to come.
Happy happy B-Day Miss Connie….. may Our LORD Bless you and your Family. Thanks for inspiring us thru your writings, and for the knowledge you so willingly share with others…
Happy birthday Connie. You’re right. Age is a state of mind. I look forward to soon turning 60 and the frills that come with being a senior citizen. Hahaha. Keep writing.
Happy birthday, Connie.
You and Speedy will soon be empty nester. It will be just you and Speedy for most times. Imagine what you can do with all those extra time you have in your hands. Both of you can have photo-shooting marathon in all those beautiful places you only dream about when you are still raising your daughters. You can have all the “ME” time you need without feeling the guilt. There’s really something to look forward to in aging. Aging is liberating – from a lot of things.
Wishing you all the best in life ahead. Cheers.
Happy Birthday Connie
I am a fan of your website and will continue to patronize. Keep it up.
I’m older by 2 months. At first I felt that I am closer to hitting the golden years, but now am thinking that I’m getting bolder. Am based in Ontario and scheduled to take up a Law Clerk Program for professional development purposes.
Happy, happy birthday Ms. Connie. All the best and here’s to more years of meaningful blogging!
Cheers!
from a grateful regular reader.
simply brilliant. it’s always a treat to read an intelligent writing such as this.
Happy Birthday Sassy Connie!
Love the picture! I love love candid shots.
I am deeply touched by your candid assessment and personal conviction. I could not help to reflect on my own shortcomings because my wife felt the anquish of getting old. I wish I could be like Speedy who is there to keep you secure in feelings and supportive of whatever thoughts you may have. And your daughters are wise, mana sa parents.
Happy birthday to the wizard of hill.
Magpa inom ka! lagi ka nalang solo trip pagdating sa alcohol! haha
one of your best posts and it happens to be your birthday. all the best!
Happy Birthday Connie!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN!
Happy birthday Connie! Here’s wishing you more blessings, peace and good health always. Your posts have always made my day
I can see you, 20, 30 years from now, still as sassy as ever. Happy Birthday dear Ms. Sassy!
And may I say na naniningkit sa tuwa kayo ni Mr. Speedy sa picture. So inspiring to see folks like you living life as it should be lived.
Carpe diem.
Happy birthday! Up next to enjoy and photograph and cook for ……..your future son-in-laws and grandchildren! Each stage of life has its own particular blessings. Enjoy!
Thank you for all greetings and wonderful wishes and kind thoughts.
A TOAST TO LIFE! CHEERS!
Happy birthday Connie. I sent you my greetings on Facebook. I am glad I came across your recent entry here. Very inspriational indeed. I just turned 45 this year and, proud to say, I am also living the life. Others love to hide their real age, even denying how old they really are. Me? I am proud to say, I am 45 and still doing what I do best and never afraid to learn new things.
I am a late bloomer, only after seeing your pinoycook blog that I really got into serious cooking. Also, I have lost a lot of weight because I wanted to stay healthy and strong. I say no to thick make-up and plastic surgery. Others my age are so concerned about wrinkles, while I accept them as part of natural aging. I have also started to write part-time 2 years ago (I do quite a bit of freelancing here and there) and have over 1500 articles published online since then, mostly giving instructions on how to do things, etc.
I will continue to do what I love to do until it is time to bid this world adieu.
Congrats and more power to you!!!
Hi again, Connie! Di mo pa nakwento yata what you cooked as handa for your birthday???It must be something grand, creative and extraordinary!
Naku walang handa. We were running errands on my birthday hahaha We did manage to have dimsum however. At Han Pao.
happy birthday connie!
remember: age is just a number. sa barrio namen, nakaka-order nang bagong birth certificate. if you want you age to come down drastically, email me. look at me. i’m 32. ni-re-renew ko lang.
HAHAHAHA Talaga ha! Sige sige, if I ever get insecure about my age, you’ll be the first person I’ll be touch with. HAHAHA Panalo ka talaga.
Happy happy birthday Ms Connie! I wish I’d get to meet you someday. You are such a lovely person. I love reading all your posts – mapa recipe man o your daily blog.
Consuelo,
Tell me how young you feel when you start the grandmommy blog, ok? Sam in college, tri-sem pa … malapit na!
Happy birthday!
You are one generous, creative, honest, secure and inspiring woman. Belated happy birthday, Connie and more power to you!
Hello Ms. Connie,
I’m American, although not a writer myself, I do enjoy stumbling accross GREAT reads. Your an absolute superb writer. You style is so uniquely captivating and exciting. Your ability to write about many, many different and interesting subjects is simply amazing. I TRY so hard to NOT check out your family meals section, that “duck cracklings and chinese sauage fried rice” dish you posted through me off my diet, LoL……Afterall, not all of us can naturally maintain that “Brad Pitt” look that your husband seems to have mastered, hehehe.
Happy belated birthday!!!!! and many, many more to come.
Salute!
Thank you! I… I, ah… I try.
About Brad Pitt… ummmm… ahmmmm… LOL I don’t want to comment anymore about my husband’s claim hahahaha