The TV in the living room is on. Sam keeps it on even when she’s on her computer doing whatever. She hates the sound of silence. Kids…
Anyway, she called my attention when there was this announcement that actor Rudy Fernandez has died after years of fighting cancer. Being a celebrity, his cancer treatments, the ups and downs, have been well documented by media. He’d been undergoing chemotherapy for so long.
You know, when I was taken ill last week, the moment the doctors announced that it was my gall bladder, Speedy gave a visible sigh of relief. We never really talked about it but it was there like a cloud — the possibility that it was some kind of cancer. But until cancer was ruled out by the initial tests, you know, it was an unspoken threat.
And all these make me wonder. If I had cancer, how long will I hold on? For how long will I consent to treatments, the painful and expensive treatments, knowing there are no real guarantees and that the best I can hope for is a few more years. Are those few more years living the life of an invalid, unable to truly savor the colors and flavors of life, worth it?
I have two close relatives who died from cancer, one from each side of the family. I saw them wither. I saw them transform from gregarious human beings into shadows of their old selves. They kept hoping everything would turn well but were they deluding themselves? Were their families deluding themselves too? Were the doctors giving them false hopes?
Speedy and I, we’ve talked about these things in the past. And we swore we would never subject our bodies, and our daughters, to the hardships. If someone told me today that I have cancer, I will simply decide to live out the rest of my days in the company of people I love doing the things I love. Like Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson in The Bucket List. A few months in a lucid state seem better than a few years in a drug-induced state.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
edgar villanueva 06.07.08 at 3:33 pm
connie,Cancer is a very painfuland lingering illness,if ever you dont want to undergo long useless process of treatment at least use marijuana or opium to ease the pain. Anyway You are right, me too I would rather spend the rest of my life doing things I love most and enjoy precious moments sorrounded by the people I love.
Connie Veneracion 06.07.08 at 4:04 pm
You know, Edgar, I have written about the raging legal battles over the legalization of marijuana for medical reasons. This is the Philippines where a lot of medical opinions are still clouded by religious dogma. You know, that the ability and willingness to bear physical suffering is some kind of holy.
Ria 06.07.08 at 7:29 pm
I remember I was asked during my med school interviews what advice I would give a patient who is terminally ill. Ang sagot ko lagi ay “Tell the patient the truth about his or her illness and the possible courses of medication that he/she could take but to enjoy whatever days he/she has left, have fun and live as normally as possible.”
Naisip ko nga rin kung magkakaroon ako ng cancer at hindi kayang daanin sa surgery, mas gusto ko pa yatang mag-take na lang pain killers at mabuhay nang normal. Ayoko kasing matulad sa isa kong relative na nag-chemo tapos wala ding nangyari.
Connie Veneracion 06.07.08 at 9:39 pm
Parusa sa katawan yung long-term treatment like chemo tapos wala namang guarantee. There is no cure for cancer, period, so chemo just prolongs the inevitable. Question is whether it’s worth it. Perhaps, if one has unfinished business and chemo will allow him to attend to it… Still, I think about the strain on the family…
rhodora 06.07.08 at 10:06 pm
Me too. I won’t subject myself to chemo treatments. It aggravates the suffering. You won’t enjoy life anyway with its side effects, etc. I would rather live the rest of my days and spare my family from the financial burden.
Asianmommy 06.07.08 at 10:19 pm
I think it really depends on the kind of cancer that you have. Some cancers can be treated and some patients go on to live long and productive lives. Look at Lance Armstrong. If caught early, some people can have good outcomes with treatment. Others are not so fortunate.
Connie Veneracion 06.08.08 at 9:08 am
Rhodora, re financial burden. Yun pa isa. Parang tinatapon yung pera (which can secure the kids’ future), tapos hirap pa sa katawan tapos mamamatay din naman.
Asianmommy, only for terminal cases.
Nikita 06.08.08 at 9:08 am
Looking at this from another point of view, shouldn’t your daughters be involved in the decision on what your alternatives are in getting well?
When my Dad found out he may need an angioplasty, he said ayaw niya, kasi hindi naman daw guarantee yun na magtatagal pa siya. But I felt he was cheating us from a chance for him to live longer. After several heart attacks, he still didn’t want to have one, until there was one time, really painful, that he agreed to have an angiogram done. Results showed na hindi na kaya ng angioplasty; open heart surgery na dapat. We were evaluating our options, but nagka-pneumonia siya, then kidney failure which required dialysis, at tuloy-tuloy na until we lost him. I don’t know if things would have been different, if he’d still be around, if he decided to push through with the angioplasty earlier.
For me, I don’t really know. But yes, definitely, ayokong magtagal na wala namang quality of life.
Connie Veneracion 06.08.08 at 10:51 am
“…shouldn’t your daughters be involved in the decision…”
I’m sure they’ll want that. But I’m not so sure if children aren’t always motivated by a mixture of guilt and selfishness. Guilt meaning the feeling that they’re not doing enough; selfishness because they don’t want to deal with the loss. Especially if the terminally ill parent is a dominant figure, the wall to lean on type so that his death sort of saps the strength of the entire family. I suppose it boils down to what’s best for whom.
Hay, I don’t know. I hope we never have to deal with the scenario. Ang ayaw ko lang talaga ay yung maging burden sa mga bata, emotionally and financially. That would make me feel like I’m depriving them of a huge part of their lives.
BlogusVox 06.08.08 at 1:45 pm
I’ve lost my Mom through cancer but she lived for more than ten years before her liver finally failed because of the daily medicine intake she had to maintain. It was a financial burden for the family. I guess because my Dad loved her very much and we children won’t let go.
Maybe if this happens to me, I’ll see to it that my family is secure. Enjoy life with my wife and daughter. And when the time comes, commit euthanasia. That way it would be quick, no prolong suffering for me or for my family.
bugsybee 06.08.08 at 3:34 pm
Hi Sassy,
My dad died of colon cancer in 2000 after battling it for 2.5 years. Hirap lahat - sya at kami especially because he chose to have his treatment in Manila and we all had to go on rotation to stay there for a week, suspending our lives here.
For people like me who are single, I wish there’d be a “quick fix” (i.e. instant death) if ever we’d be diagnosed of cancer. I wouldn’t want to burden my siblings and their families.
Had my gall bladder removed many years ago thru laparascopic surgery. Mas masakit pa yung dentista! I hope you’re okay now.
Connie Veneracion 06.08.08 at 10:02 pm
Very pragmatic, BlogusVox. I see no reason for prolonging suffering either.
Hi Bugsybee, naku if laparoscopy was possible, recovery would be faster. Sadly, I had to have open surgery because there were complications. But I’m okay now. Can’t believe how efficient my digestive system has been since the operation.
Cookie 06.09.08 at 4:41 pm
My father died 5 months after being diagnosed with stage 2 head-and-neck cancer. He was the kind of patient that had “hope” written on his diagnosis. The thing is, he didn’t want to live anymore after his second round of radiation treatment. One of his doctors said that he just lost the will to fight. And just like that..he died.
raqgold 06.09.08 at 6:12 pm
my papa in law just announced he’s got a tumor in the kidney, cancerous daw. thing is, he knew about it for 2 years na but didnt tell us. doctors dont want to operate as they were saying hindi naman daw lumalaki yung tumor– sabi naman namin why should he wait when it is already cancerous? after loads of discussions, we’ve all decided he should decide for himself. let him feel he’s got the control after all, he has never complained nor slowed down during that two years… he’s still all over the place and you know what, i admire him for that.
Connie Veneracion 06.09.08 at 9:22 pm
Cookie, sometimes, when you feel you’ve lived a full life, you just want to go remembering the happy times.
Raqgold, good for him. I admire people like that too — the kind who don’t wallow in self-pity and negative vibes. Everyone’s got to go sometime so why not have the pleasure of deciding how.