Faces of death
After a long weekend of hearing and reading nothing but remembering the dead, I found myself musing about the concept of death itself – its significance in culture, law and religion. Among all human experiences, nothing can be more steeped in mystery than death and what we associate with it range from the hilarious to the ridiculous. For instance, there was this e-mail forwarded earlier this year by a long-time reader. It goes like this:
“There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, ‘When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me….’ And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
“Well, he died…. just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ‘Wait, just a minute!’ She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, ‘I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband.’
“The loyal wife replied ‘Listen, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.’
“‘You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?!?’
‘I sure did,’ said the wife. ‘I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.’”
Beyond the hilarity, the humor piece tells a lot about how a lot of people – the dying as well as those left behind – regard death. Unable to comprehend and completely overwhelmed at the absoluteness of the end of life, belief in the afterlife, in heaven and hell, and even in reincarnation can be found across cultures and religious beliefs. None of these, of course, can be proved with certainty.
But proof is not a requisite for belief and so long as people believe that death is not the end but the beginning of a new and another kind of life, there will always be rituals to ensure a smooth transition from one life to the next. There are stories about how the ancient Vikings were buried with their armor and horse in case they have to do battle in the afterlife. In Imperial burials in ancient China, the dead is buried with preserved meat, a wash-basin and ewer, a stool, a canopy, lance and shield, flutes, rice steamer, cups and earthenware, among others.
Many of these ancient practices have become obsolete. But if we observe current practices, there are still rituals performed to ensure that the dead enter the afterlife in a favorable way. Catholics have the sacrament of extreme unction for the remission of sins so that the dying may be forgiven his sins and allowed to enter heaven. Islam has a similar sacrament and beliefs.
But when does death occur exactly? Or, to rephrase it for those who believe in the afterlife, at which exact point does the physical body die? The most widely accepted definition is that death occurs when the heart stops beating. But in today’s world, with all the scientific and medical advancements, that definition becomes less clear. For instance, we know today that when the heart stops beating, cells in the body and brain may remain alive. What about the person whose organs remain functioning only with the aid of life support systems? Obviously, such cases are not within the purview of the old definition. So, the obvious question is whether ALL bodily organs should be non-functioning for a person to be considered truly dead.
Then, there’s the concept of legal death. A person whose organs may still be functioning may be pronounced legally dead so that the organs can be donated to transplant patients. In many jurisdictions, the standard is brain death which occurs with the irreversible end of all brain activity but which is not the same as a persistent vegetative state.
It is easy for medical experts and legal communities to agree to a set of standards but the legal and ethical ramifications are many. The concept of legal death and the right of medical practitioners to pronounce a person dead based on cessation of all brain functions goes right into the definition of what constitutes murder. In many cases involving euthanasia, it has often been asked whether it isn’t murder to take a brain dead patient off a life support system which keeps all his other vital organs functioning. And it goes right into the issue of whether modern science and medicine isn’t infringing on the natural order of things and, consequently, whether there is such a thing as artificial life as opposed to natural life, a distinction that will seem nightmarish for many people who view life and death from a religious perspective.
All the arguments and distinctions might seem more apparent than real for those who like to view things in a simplistic way. Many will claim that a dying person’s family will never allow him to be pronounced dead unless he is truly dead from every perspective – physically, ethically and in accordance with his religious beliefs, if any. But then there is the issue of succession and inheritance and we know that these are serious considerations. And a person may be pronounced dead before he truly is so that those waiting in line to get their hands on his money can consolidate their claims.
Death might seem to be an incontrovertible period that says THE END for many but is it? Or are all practices and beliefs related to dying and death proof of just how little we know about it?
Comments
49 Responses to “Faces of death”We feast everyday!
If the only reason I am ‘living’ is because I am hooked up to some machine, I would rather be dead!
I agree with you, Miguk. A hundred percent! It would be the height of selfishness to even have people regard me still as “living” when some machine does the functions of breathing and all those for me.
I told my families, friends and relatives that my will is not to be resusciated and aided by machine. I was born in childbirth and should die according to nature.
Death is a resting state and it should not be denied just because of technological advances.
In Spain, you have to be buried within 24 hours. I wonder why the Philippines didn’t get that custom. Some of the wakes here are just endless…..I think it is very hard on the surviving family members really.
Because a lot of people turn it into a business. They wait until the donations are substantial before burying the dead.
What do you mean by “donations”?
“Abuloy sa patay.”
You know, those envelopes containing bills that are handed to the grieving family.
Grabe — they are trying to make a profit?!
@ Miguk: Wait… you’ve been living in the Philippines for years, right? (Note to other readers: Miguk is an American expat).
When there’s a wake, guests normally give a donation and the accumulated donations… well, they are sort of expected to at least pay for the cost of the wake and burial. I don’t know how else to put it, I wish I could say it delicately but, yes, money is a significant reason in long wakes.
There are other cases though when the wake is extended to wait for the arrival of all family members.
there’s also gambling…
Oh, yes, they are. And I wonder if the “house” gets a cut.
After talking with older people, the long wakes are a recent invention….only with the widespread use of embalming.
The family is already suffering….prolonging the suffering seems cruel.
There are lots of things that seems to be unusual in a wake particularly in squatter areas (PC – informal residents) in Metro Manila:
- The regular presence of gambling tables, in particular “sakla” and other card games such as lucky 9 and tongits. This could at least generate a minimum of P5 K a night as pang-ambag to the wake.
- Now they have videoke. Actually, I, myself, is not totally against it. It just replaces those who are whiling the hours of wake singing songs backed up by guitarist. With the videoke, you can select any song you want to sing and you’re on the go. However, in some wakes, videoke is also a business. You want to sing, then chip in 5 bucks per song.
- In some areas in Tondo, there were wakes which were intentionally put up solely for business purposes. The promoter will obtain an unclaimed corpse from a funeral parlor or from a forensic department. Then they would hold a wake for 10 to 15 days. After that duration, they will not put the corpse into interment. They will just move it to another place and put up another wake. They will only stop when the smell of that corpse is unbearable. What happen to the corpse after it has been used? They will sell it for use in medical studies.
Only in the Philippines?
sometimes din, me inaantay from abroad. When my Father-in-law passed away,
we had to wait for the son to get here as he insisted to wait for him. The problem was ang tagal makakuha ng flight back home.
The thing is that the tradition is someone has to stay with the body all the time, right? So after more than a week the surviving family members probably feel like they want to die!
When mom left, we had her cremated that same evening. The next day we observed the rite of christian burial, and buried her at sunset.
The day after, it was business as usual for all of us. That’s how mom wanted it to be; simple and solemn.
I grew up knowing that death is just a phase, and if others believe in reincarnation, I on the other hand look forward to meeting the rest of my family and friends in the after life. I admit the concept of life after death may seem hard to prove, but I want to believe there is.
..”business as usual..” That’s not really possible, is it?
I remember my med school interview. I was asked what I would do if I was only living on life support. I said I’d rather get off it and be declared dead than “live” because of some machines and and deplete my family’s resources. I dunno if my interviewers agreed with me but they accepted me. And really, I don’t get it what’s wrong with taking out the artificial life support because if the person is dead, he’s dead.
Rituals and traditions-how comforting to listen to Readings, to see a casket blessed, to smell the incense as it lifts, prayers for the dead and closure for ourselves.
Love is too powerful a force to end with death. The good things that have come my way-that’s my father loving me from the other side. I sense the love of departed relatives in the responsible adults their children turned out to be.
Life is a continuum…
if i know when i’m going to die, i’d throw a party beforehand ala Tuesdays with Morrie. and i told my husband i’d want to be cremated within 24 hours after i die. i don’t want formaldehyde and whatever chemicals inside my body, even when i’m dead. no wake, only fireworks display. death can be a celebration of a life well lived.
Many years ago, I was diagnosed with the big C and when I revealed it to my best friend
she fell speechless. To break the ice, I told her “No red lipstick and music by the
Carpenters” and then we both laughed and cried. I didn’t prepare a will but I focused
on the emotional and psychological well-being of my 3 young children and a very distraught husband, well just in case I passed on.
Fast forward 21 yrs. My perspective in life has changed and it’s very easy for me to
talk about death and dying. No “viewing” for me ( Oy parang natutulog….Ay ang kapal
ng make-up) and no memorial services. Occasionally, just for kicks I asked my friends
to recite a eulogy for me…and I give them theirs.
Just last Saturday, at a funeral the priest questioned the congregation ” Is it Goodbye?
No…It is.. See you later.”
Curious about ‘perspective in life has changed..’ My best friend’s exact words, but when C paid a second call, she did absolutely nothing. I thought she’d value her health more.
Are you more like Kismet the musical (it’s in the stars) or E. Bombeck’s don’t-sweat-the-small-stuff outlook?
I rather prefer to know that you are dying since you can value life and savor it to the fullest. It is like you wanted to eat your favorite ice cream. I wanted to see go places. I wanted to see live concert of your favorite artist. I really wanted to spend time with your loved ones, cook their favorite dish and talking to them as if there is no tomorrow. There is no reason to fight on nonsense argument. There is nothing to worry because nature takes care of itself, people do adjust.
This kind of easy disposition I found so familiar with the old folks. One time, I found a line of old people in confessional booth and all of them turn towards me and said, “Young man go first, coz we are not in hurry to go to heaven” with laughter.
On our cultural beliefs– Yup, we’re very confused people, result of multiple colonizations of Spanish, Americans, Japanese, Americans again and Japanese & Koreans now (economically of course).
On death — I agree with most of you who said that they’d rather be dead than cause their love ones pain and financial burden. Knowing that you’ll leave your family with a roof on their heads and could afford decent meals are enough reasons to die peacefully.
I’ve witnessed different death situations of love ones that brought so much pain in my heart to the point that I wished them die instantly because medical technology was prolonging their agony. Another time, I felt so much hopelessness and hatred in my heart because we are poor and can’t afford the medical procedures that might have saved one of them.
It’s a crossroad, you don’t know which and what is the right path unless you tried and succesffuly crossed/passed it
On cremation — It’s the most hygienic, economical and practical way to bury our dead. Please don’t ask me “which body the dead people would come back to come the Judgement Day”. All of us will be reduced to ashes after we are buried and subjected to elements of decomposition.
And there’s this “corpse for sale” so they could put up wakes to legalize gambling activities…sorry had to say it.
Hi Carmen
I am a Cancer survivor twice. My family strengthened my will to live. Why would one give up on life…it is a Gift.
Kismet–fate? I think of it as an act of God which I absolutely don’t have control of.
Erma B. was my hero. Her ability to find humor in almost everything is inspiring.
Isn’t she the one who told us “If Worry pays a visit in your house,don’t give it a chair.”
Thanks for asking.
Thank you for sharing, Emy. In the unfairness of my friend’s situation, na-overlook ko that she also was choosing life over fearful health alternatives.
Thanks, Dodong, for reminding me of ‘easy disposition’. Ang ‘gaan’ niyang makisama at pakisamahan. Appreciate you both for your insights.
Before Ninoy was assassinated, he told an interviewer, to paraphrase, “death is just a biological termination”.
I’m not afraid to die. It’s how I’ll die that is a question mark for me.
I’ve been thinking, I have been taught that the purpose of our life (Catholics) is to know God, to love Him and be with Him in heaven. In heaven, there will be no nothing to worry about, we will all be happy and contented. We will sing Him praises and our souls will know no longing. You would not know of nobody but God.
If I have been taught my catechism correctly, I’d rather be in hell. At least in hell, I’ll remember who I was because I believe that the very essence of who I am is the sum of all my experiences on earth. If in heaven I’ll only know God and forget everything earthly, I’ll welcome hell for all eternity.
Robert, something is wrong in what has been thought to to you (or what you would like to believe) – in hell, if we have the same definition, you’ll not going to remember anything anymore.
Just like when you’re heaving a severe tooth ache…
Either way, you’re not the same person, would you? You would not be because you would not remember who you are. Please tell me what is wrong with what I have been taught or what you think I’d like to believe in. I believe that when we die, that is the end – no more reward in heaven or punishment in hell.
I just can’t comprehend this one from your previous comment -
“…I’d rather be in hell. At least in hell, I’ll remember who I was because I believe that the very essence of who I am is the sum of all my experiences on earth. If in heaven I’ll only know God and forget everything earthly, I’ll welcome hell for all eternity.”
to compliment this one in your last comment -
“Either way, you’re not the same person, would you? You would not be because you would not remember who you are.”
We could have a very interesting discussion though I really hate religion as a topic.
(Where have I read this? An Atheists group would even sue a Christian group for claiming that non-believers will not be welcome to heaven???)
I don’t hate a discussion on religion. The validity of an idea is forged in the anvil of public discourse.
Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that the heaven I was taught in my catechism classes when I was younger doesn’t make sense to me now that I am older. Now I know why Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to innnocent children.
So I am now asking, is that the heaven you have been taught? A place where you will know nothing but pure bliss and forget everything earthly? A place where you will sing God praises for all eternity?
I am awed by how Milton has captured my sentiment had there been a God:
Did I request thee maker of my flesh
to mould me man,
Did I solicit thee from
darkness to promote me?
But despair not, man can be good without god.
To Robert: book of Revelation, (last book in the Bible) talks about the afterlife. For those who believe and have accepted Jesus Christ, they go to Heaven. You will not have a choice to go to Hell after you accept Jesus. And why should you want to- it is an eternal fire consuming you over and over again. You will no have anytime to think or do anything but cry in pain.
And most Christians (or Catholics) believe that in Heaven, we will all have reincarnated bodies that will be recognizable to us and others but just slightly different. Heaven is built as a city so I would think you can move about and meet up with friends and family. There will be no tears, hunger, sickness either. So that limits conversations to positive. That rules out gossip too, I guess, LOL. And we can talk to God on a face-to-face basis just as Adam and Eve did in Eden. So we can ask Him questions about our past and He would answer us. After all, He’ll have eternity to talk to every person there.
Some of what you learned is NOT true. Most Catholics know what their priest says but never go back behind him and read manual he talks about: the Bible. I suggest that you don’t let anyone tell you what to believe but to research it for yourself.
Anna: Granting that all that you said here is true, I would like to pose a hypothetical question. What if the only person you cared most about is not in this heaven, would you be happy? Would you be contented? Would you suffer, knowing that you are basking in God’s presence while the person you most loved is being tortured in hell for all eternity?
I must say I know the bible quite well though I am not as good as quoting it like the fundamentalists do as if the very numbering of the verse is part and parcel of the message.
Would you suffer, knowing that you are basking in God’s presence while the person you most loved is being tortured in hell for all eternity?
Sorry, that should have read: Would you not suffer, knowing that you are basking in God’s presence while the person you most loved is being tortured in hell for all eternity?
Robert, I’m really confused with your comments -
“Would you suffer, knowing that you are basking in God’s presence while the person you most loved is being tortured in hell for all eternity?”
(How in the hell would you know that when you’re in heaven?)
Again, I have a hard time of reconciling it with your previous comments.
At least, the way I see it, we are not discussing religion anymore.
We may call it logic.
On the other hand, I’m not discounting that I’m misreading your comments.
BTW, one interesting discussion on this matter is the Darwin’s Evolution Theorists or Darwinists (disproving God) and Intelligent Design or Creation Theorists (there is God).
In US, it is not allowed in public schools to even mention intelligent design theory in the classrooms theory or else the school will face lawsuits from various fringe groups.
(Just like they don’t call Christmas Season by its name. Instead, its holiday season. The fringe group is even demanding that no red or blue color decorations during Christmas holidays should be put in display on all public places which include malls).
Have some fun reading them in the web.
Precisely the point I previously made to you Trosp – if you cannot know of anything in heaven but God, that is not you. Because in so far as I am concerned, You are the sum of your experiences and if you forget those experiences, you are no better in hell or heaven. You may want to check the context of that question I posed to Anna by reading her comments above.
Trosp, you are mistaken in thinking that Darwin’s Theory of Evolution necessarily disprove God. They are not mutually exclusive. On that score, would you allow Filipino children be taught in science classes that there is a theory that man came from a bamboo split in half? Or that the reason why men have different skin color is because Bathala’s baking skills suck! (You cannot disprove that these Filipino accounts of creation are false much more that you can prove that the Judeo-Christian God created evertything.) ID should be taught in religion classes, not science.
Robert,
Once again you did not connect. According to you -
“Trosp, you are mistaken in thinking that Darwin’s Theory of Evolution necessarily disprove God.”
What I have commented was -
“BTW, one interesting discussion on this matter is the Darwin’s Evolution Theorists or Darwinists (disproving God) and Intelligent Design or Creation Theorists (there is God).”
It’s not the Darwin’s evolution theory but the theorists. They’re using the evolution theory to prove that God does not exist. These people have committed frauds just to prove their points (try googling “evolution frauds”).
I would love to expound on this matter but I feel that we may be unnecessarily consuming precious bandwidth on Ms. Connie’s blog on an off-topic discussion. And you may want to make a better presentation of your ideas so that you will not be misconstrued, if there really was a misinterpretation. Evolution is a fact, no fraud is needed for whatever conjecture you have on it. Interestingly, you chose not to answer the point I raised about Malakas and Maganda, just in case you are not aware of the allusion. That’s quite telling.
Where in this post have you mentioned Malakas and Maganda. What kind of analogy is the Pinoy’s Bathala, an “alamat” with biblical writings. Another of your disconnect?
Where are my conjectures? You keep on reinventing things or every time changing the rules of exchanging comments to suit your comfort zone .
Have you tried googling “evolution frauds” (I could only surmise it is no since it seems to me you’re mind is made up and you won’t let facts stands in the way of what you want to believe)? Or if yes, please share with us the frauds on those evolution frauds.
I’m also curious what can be misconstrued in my previous comments. I’ve cited some of yours and disregard others in order to unnecessarily consumed precious bandwith of this blog..
LOL, I’ll let the readers decide…
“Where in this post have you mentioned Malakas and Maganda. What kind of analogy is the Pinoy’s Bathala, an “alamat” with biblical writings. Another of your disconnect?”
There. The allusion couldn’t be more obvious. Educate yourself please. Indeed, I will let the readers decide.
Ha ha ha. Robert stay as classy. So please educate me specifically what can be misconstrued in my previous comment?
What “there”? I’m not a fabulist like what you are.
@Trosp: If you cannot figure that one for yourself, I cannot help you. The fact that you did not recognize the allusion to Malakas at Maganda with the bamboo splitting in half is rather frustrating. See I thought that was rather “shoutingly” obvious. Likewise, that you deride evolution theorists and try to get away from your statement about evolution is called intellectual dishonesty. Anyway, what I am writing is bordering on ad hominem but I cannot help it, you asked for. And Trosp, go slow on the big words, just because you’re able to use them does not mean shit. Or prove you correct.
Robert, am I using big words such as-
“…please educate me specifically what can be misconstrued in my previous comment.”
“Where are my conjectures? You keep on reinventing things or every time changing the rules of exchanging comments to suit your comfort zone .”
Those are big words for you he he he he.
And what have you blah blah -
“@Trosp: If you cannot figure that one for yourself, I cannot help you. The fact that you did not recognize the allusion to Malakas at Maganda with the bamboo splitting in half is rather frustrating. See I thought that was rather “shoutingly” obvious.”
Well, when you say Bathala’s baking skill, my allusion was on his baking skill. So why would Malakas and Maganda would creep into my mind. Ha ha ha, of course, you’re the type of person who would always put words into other people’s lips. A person who always assume.
Where are my conjectures as you have commented? Where? If you can’t cite one then you’re an a#1hole.
How did I deride the he evolution theorists? By calling those who don’t believe in God as “they don’t believe in God?” Well, they don’t believe in God and they want everybody to know it. I respect their mind. (Did I make any derogatory remarks in that issue or shall we go back in my previous comment of Atheist suing Christians for claiming that non-believers will not be welcome to heaven ).
What are you?
I’ve overrated you.
Stay classy…
Evolution frauds. Go figure.
It’s not called assumption, it’s reading between the lines.
Again, you are assuming.
This was what I’ve commented -
“It’s not the Darwin’s evolution theory but the theorists. They’re using the evolution theory to prove that God does not exist. These people have committed frauds just to prove their points (try googling “evolution frauds”).”
The arguments are in the web. It’s not mine. So where is the conjecture on my part?
Reading between the lines? What is that? Ah, you’re reading between the lines and you have your own assumption.
Go figure…
Stay classy kid.
Robert,
I might as well bestow you with what I would like to call you – an a#1hole, since yo can’t cite any conjecture on my part.
See you next time..