It doesn’t make me happy that I can’t blog as much as I used to. Sucks but, without a live-in house helper, I have to do a lot of the chores around here.
Like, when I woke up this morning, and raring to write while the kids still slept, I was greeted with cat poop near the front door. The litter box had not been cleaned (I wonder why Speedy didn’t do that today — he does it most mornings) and the Persian cat, Pepper, refuses to use the litter box in that state — she’d rather do it on the floor. 
Then, someone (Sam, I found out later) left an open bag of chips overnight on the living room coffee table and the kitten, not Pepper but Supercat with the black eye (Sam has since renamed her Pssst! because that’s what she answers to), went through the bag of chips and the mess was on the floor, on the couch… 
Then, there was the ton of clothes hanging all over the house because we can’t leave newly-laundered clothes hanging in the garden overnight because you never know when the rains will fall.
It took me an hour to clean the poop, the litter box, the chips and fold the clean clothes that dried overnight. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I turned on my MacBook and was about to start writing. But, the e-mails… The phone and the internet were dead for almost three days and the e-mails had accumulated. By the time I had gone through most of them and was finally about to post an entry, it was time to cook lunch.
It was under those circumstances when I finally told the girls that they would have to do more chores if we’re going to survive without bickering over who’s responsible for which mess.
We went out yesterday to view some houses. We’re seriously thinking of moving and we’re checking out a lot of options. We went to Mission Hills and fell in love with two large but rather expensive lots. The security is great — houses can be left unoccupied without fear that it will be empty when the owner returns. I knew how much the girls both want to move so I used the do-you-really-want-to-move angle to get a few things in order.
So we were having lunch and I told them, “If you really want to move, you have to show that we will be able to manage a bigger house even if we never hire another house helper.”
There were no violent objections, actually, so I went ahead and told them they would have to do their own laundry from now on. They have to make their own schedules, monitor what’s clean and what’s not and, most important of all, I don’t want them stressing me out on school mornings about where their uniforms, bras, socks and whatever are. I have had enough of that shit. They will wash their clothes (we have a fully automatic washing machine anyway so what’s the big deal?), hang them to dry (exercise for the arms and shoulders), retrieve them from the clothesline afterwards and fold them neatly to be stored in their closet.
I’m not asking them to do their own ironing — we have an ironing woman who comes in regularly. I’m not asking them to wash the curtains, the blankets and the bedsheets — I can do that. But I want them to be able to take charge of their personal clothing items. They’re 15 and 13 (14 in January) and they’re not physically nor mentally handicapped so they’re more than capable of doing it.
When Sam and Alex were much younger — they were in pre-school — during the years when we never had house helpers, they helped me with chores. They were what, five… four?? Sam could fold towels so neatly with all the corners and edges perfectly aligned.
Then, one time, because the girls couldn’t deal with blankets and other large items, I asked Speedy to demonstrate to the girls how to fold the blanket. You know, so they could form the habit of making their own beds when they woke up. Speedy picked up a blanket, rolled it with his arms — like John Travolta on the dancefloor in Saturday Night Fever with the falsetto voices of the Bee Gees blaring “You should be dancing” in the background — and declared that the blanket was neatly folded.
After that, I couldn’t make the girls fold anything larger than a face towel. And, later on, when we had to hire a house helper because I took on a job, everything just went downhill. From that time on, having been introduced to the lazy life, the girls shied at doing chores. If anything, they became disorganized. It’s probably psychological. They knew there was someone to pick and clean up their mess so they didn’t care about making them.
Well, I can’t deal with their mess anymore. I shouldn’t. If they can’t get their acts together, the new house will always remain a dream.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Gloria 10.13.07 at 3:33 pm
sobrang nake-relate ako. dahil yan ang problema sa dalawa kong kapatid na 19 years old na. (mga lalaki at kambal pa) pati briefs nila di malabhan ng kusa. imagine sa umaga bago pumasok sila sa school, nanay ko pa maglalabas pati nang underwears nila kasi di nila alam kung san nakalagay.
sobrang nakaka-init nang ulo pagmasdan sa araw-araw. and i’ve always blamed my mother kasi hinayaan nya na ganun. today kahit anong yak-yak niya walang epekto. kasi it is too late to impose. lumaki nang tamad at sala-ula yung dalawang anak niya.
tama yang gagawin mo na pilitin na mga bata sa house chores. otherwise ikaw din mahihirapan o gagastos habang-buhay sa house helps. kainis kasi to think na ako eh nag-sasaing na when i was 10. tapos etong mga bunso eh hindi napilit maging ganun. hayy…
Connie 10.13.07 at 4:09 pm
Success na first day. Naglaba na at nagsampay ang bunso ko!
Alam mo, Gloria, I also don’t want them to grow up helpless. I have a friend who took up her Master of Laws abroad, her first time to be on her own, and she couldn’t cook. Because eating out was expensive, she just cut down on eating. Grabe, what kind of solution is that, right?
Rome 10.13.07 at 10:35 pm
Funny how other kids respond to changes. First time I told my son to pair the socks, not one was paired accordingly. Result! ako na rin ang naggawa, kesa umbagin ko siya ng todo.
brenda 10.14.07 at 1:03 am
Nung panahon namin, 10yrs pa lang ako naglalaba na kami ng ate ko (manual kasi di pa uso washing machine), marunong na kami magsaing (di pa din uso rice cooker). We never had a house helper, and my Nanay made sure that we can handle several household chores. Even with dishwashing, may schedule kami. I have 3 older brothers, and 3 din kaming girls so kung sino sa mga brothers ko ang maghuhugas ng dishes, laging may kapartner isa sa mga girls, we dry and put the dishes away. My eldest brother, he’s the one who taught us on how to iron our clothes. Kailangan perfect yung mga plits ng school uniform at hindi doble ang liston ng mga pantalon.
But I think kids nowadays are really different kasi nga since most have working moms, its a necessity na may househelper, yung iba nga more than 1 pa di ba? Even my nieces, hindi naranasan yung sa amin before, but at least they can cook rice and wash the dishes naman. Yun nga lang, wala pang nagpapakita ng hilig sa pagluluto. Sabagay, ganun din ako before, but eventually, nakahiligan ko din.
Lorena C. Marzan 10.14.07 at 7:28 am
the kids in the Phils kasi kahit lampas 20 na nasa bahay pa ng parents dito sa US, pag tuntong ng 18, you should be out working and have a place of your own. isang kagandahan even at 15 years old, they can work at McDo, at the movie houses, or at the tourists store. this teaches them early that they should finish up college otherwise they’ll end up flipping burgers all their life. My daughter would call me up for the ingredients for sinigang or adobo as she became active in the Church when she was in San Diego, when she was here in SF she only cooks noodles but her friends likes her macaroni mixed with clam chowder. Sa Military, she have to keep her room clean as they inspect every inch of the room. So I’m hoping that Gloria can tell this story to the young boys that if they want to feel fulfilled, they have to be independent, do their cooking, laundry, clean up their room (paano na lang pag nakita ng mga girlfriends nila how messy they are?)
Yes, Connie, I’m sure the 2 girls will help you out, I’m sure they don’t want to be bitten by the kakaroaches if the house is dirty and firends wont come if the house smells funny, pwede mo rin lagyan ng hole yong pinto mo so the cats can go out and do their business outside the house.
auee 10.14.07 at 8:16 am
Swerte sila di sila magpapa-plantsa. But if I were you, start them doing simple items on the ironing board. It’s essential they know how to do all the chores themselves. Yun nga lang to do it properly. I’ve been tasked to iron the “pambahay” and my clothes when I turned 12 y-o, that progressed to my sisters’ uniforms as I grew older. Unfortunately I didn’t listen about not getting my hands wet, so pasmado na ko.
I keep telling Nanay that when my sisters & I were kids, we were given specific chores for the entire day. But she serves my nephews and my nieces from dawn til dusk. Like Gloria, nakakainis esp since the nephews are all teenagers and over 20’s! GRRR
Connie 10.14.07 at 11:53 am
LOL Rome, how old was he then? hehehe
brenda, my brother and I had our schedules too but only in-between house helpers. We did it by day. MWF he washed the dishes; TThS, I did. The bedrooms on the second floor of the house was his cleaning chore; the first floor was mine. Yung Nanay kong donya, banyo na nga lang yung assignment, hindi pa naglilinis.
Lorena, I’m all for independence but I don’t subscribe to the theory that a child is necessarily ready to be on his own once he reaches a certain age. Emotional and mental maturity comes differently for everyone. Problem with the move-out-once-you’re-18 culture is that there is a stigma attached if the child continues to live with the parents beyond that age — which may really be to his best interest. I don’t subscribe to the work-early-to-learn-the-value-of-money either. There is more to living than earning.
Auee, there was a time when we had no ironing lady. Alex tried to iron her school uniform but Speedy took the flat iron from her — she was taking so long and Speedy was worried about the electric bill hahaha Actually, no one in my family is good at ironing. I suck at it, admittedly.
Belle 10.14.07 at 2:47 pm
hi Connie,
i have two girls ages 18 and 19 years old. i tried my hardest to train them early in life to do household chores, and they learned. the eldest one, actually, is very clean and organized, excellent at folding clothes, talo pa ako. pero si bunso, natuto ring maglaba, madalas nga lang kasi she only had one set of uniform for work and so she had to wash it daily–big waste on water and electricity.
actually, we don’t iron our clothes. i just hang the clothes up right after they come out of the dryer. once in a while, i iron the colars and overlaps only.
i don’t think kids are ready to be on their own when they reach 18 except my eldest, probably, who is mature for her age, but the youngest one is just not ready. she needs mommy for guidance and direction still.
arny 10.14.07 at 11:42 pm
connie dear.,
i can relate totally to your plight!! when we were kids we can do the chores without hesitation and grumblings. my kids utusan mo lang nagmamaktol na!!but they will do it but with a heavy heart. everyday i lose my voice due to commands here and there. why cant they do things with initiative and of good heart.i have 2 house staff members but not every time they can be relied on.(lalo na ang matagal na. they have sungay and bosses around.but that is a different story na) i repeat my story of what my childhood was like helping with household chores, doing assignments by ourselves (kids nowadays need tutors. but i weeded out the tutor thats why i have no voice. they cant seem to do it on their own.) and helping out in our family business (we have a grocery store). this happens all in a day and we wont be upset. the kids (i have an 11 year old,8 and 2) feel tired na reviewing all in a span of an hour or two!!hay naku!!
the generation today is way to different from us . they are very dependent and very laid back. i always pray to God to help me. hindi pa Siya nagpaparamdam!! hehehe.
thanks connie. nabuhos ko ng kaunti ang mga hinananaing ko.
brenda 10.14.07 at 11:44 pm
“Yung Nanay kong donya, banyo na nga lang yung assignment, hindi pa naglilinis.”
LOL! natawa ako dito… basta lang.
Lorena C. Marzan 10.15.07 at 4:39 am
kaya nga sabi ko maswerte ang mga bata sa Pilipinas kasi hanggang makatapos ng college, mag-asawa na at mag-ka-anak makakatakbo pa rin sa parents, dito kasi, freedom ang mas mahalaga sa culture ng mga nandito, yong mga pamangkin ko na nandyan sa Pilipinas ni ayaw papasukin ng part time sa Mc Do ng parents. kaya yong mga papunta pa lang dito sa US, mag-isip -isip sila ng mahigit 1000 times bago pumila sa US embassy, dahil loser ang tawag sa mga more than 20 years old na at nasa bahay pa ng parents, pero sa kaso ng family ko, it worked out very well dahil ang personality ng anak ko ay to see the world, learn from all her experiences and have fun at the same time.
Connie 10.15.07 at 7:48 am
Belle, washing one set of uniform consumes the same electricity as a full washload. Grabe. Ako, I hardly ever use the “Low” setting because it’s really more economical kung full load.
arny, isa pa yang tutoring. when i was in grade school, no tutor, and i did my homework and projects alone. today, ang uso (parent participating kuno) ke tatanda na, nire-review pa. hay naku ayoko na. matuto sila.
brenda, totoo yun alam mo. her excuse for not cleaning any part of the house where dust was likely to fly was that she had asthma. duh! she never had an attack my entire life. may dust pa ba sa banyo tapos ayaw pa maglinis. hay naku.
Lorena, may mga magulang din naman kasi na OA. Ayaw bumitaw sa anak kahit na the child is more than ready to declare his independence. Bine-baby. May kilala nga ako, nung mag-asawa yung anak, ayaw nung magulang na bumukod ng bahay kasi daw hindi makakayanan na mag-alaga ng bata. Sus.
cocoy 10.15.07 at 8:31 am
hi connie..syempre ang generation natin mas marunong sa housework.
i gave up on house helpers a long time ago. taas ng standards ko kaya siguro mahirap makahanap besides malalaki na nga sila.
some of the little things they learned early on were to fix their beds, bring out all their uniforms, underwear, ID, hanky, socks for the next day before going to sleep, and wash their undies/bras when they take their showers (i put PERLA in bathroom). They also put the clothes back in their closets. We also practice clean as you go after eating in between meals but they have schedules in washing the dishes after lunch and dinner.
When they were younger, I had their chore schedules posted on the ref for guideline.
I have this standing rule that if they do not keep their stuff ( magazines, scrapbook materials, CD’s, etc. ) organized, I will throw them when I see them around! Takot lang nila coz I keep my word.
Gloria 10.15.07 at 11:10 am
bakit pa kasi kelangan ng tutor. nung araw pag may tutor ibig sabihin eh bobo yung bata at di maka-catch up sa school lessons. lumaki naman akong mag-isang gumagawa ng lessons ko at hindi tinutulungan ng parents. kaya manigas itong anak ko, matuto rin siyang mag-isa!
i really think of all that, pati yung hindi paggawa sa house chores ng mga bata ay dahil hinayaan ng magulang na ganun. especially pag may standards ang magulang at pipiliin mo na ikaw na gumawa sa bahay kasi yung gawa ng anak mo ay hindi pasado sayo.
at saka pag masipag ang nanay usually nagiging tamad ang anak kasi yung nanay na lahat ang gagawa.
i met a man before na trained sa gawaing bahay kasi his mother works. at wala silang katulong, kaya lalong silang magkakapatid natuto gumawa sa bahay.
it all boils down sa choices ng magulang. yung magulang ko tinolerate ang katamaran ng mga kapatid ko. they were born 15 years after me kaya na-spoil. sabi ko sa nanay ko wag muna siyang mamamatay kasi otherwise eh mabubulok mga damit ng mga kapatid ko. i don’t usually pick up after my 4 year old son, sa mga kapatid ko pang 19 na?!
i can’t wait nga na magdala sila ng gf sa house, kasi ang gagawin ko talaga eh itapon sa harap nila yung kanilang maduming underwears! GRRR.
honey 10.15.07 at 5:27 pm
hay naku, when i was younger, wala rin kaming katulong. from grade 5 till college. pag-gising sa umaga, walis na. dad ko naman nagluluto. pag-uwi ko, magpapakain ng baboy at mga manok, mag-saing pa. tapos pag weekends, linis ng bahay, laba at plantsa. good training. kahit may maid na kami, gusto ko pa rin mag-laba and mag-luto.
Connie 10.15.07 at 7:00 pm
cocoy, okay yung throw out the mess ah. i like it! but then the first victim will be the father. hhehe
gloria, hay how true about tutors. time was only “mahihina” had tutors. today, it’s a freakin’ status symbol. in my kids’ school, BAWAL ang tutors. but teachers are always available for consultation and extra help.
Re “at saka pag masipag ang nanay usually nagiging tamad ang anak kasi yung nanay na lahat ang gagawa.”
EKSAKTO, including the reverse situation! Kaya ako natuto magluto kasi tamad nanay ko.
honey, my husband has an aunt whose policy is that no matter how many house helpers one has, you have to show them that you are capable of doing the chores yourself para di lumaki ulo.
rhodora 10.15.07 at 11:29 pm
Hehehe. Walang pinagkaiba dito sa amin.
Before, I used to pick up all the mess in the house, without complaining. But now - aba, sumasakit na rin ang likod ko, ano. So even if I see clutter, deadma ako. Bahala sila diyan. They complain sometimes - bakit madumi ang banyo? E di linisin ninyo. Don’t complain, because when you complain to me, as if you are pointing a finger to me saying that I did not clean the bathroom. Don’t complain, If you see litter, pick it up. If you see dirt, sweep it out. If you have nothing to wear and all your clothes are in the laundry, wash them. Ganun lang.
Buti si Sam at Alex, they are both girls, mas madaling matuto at mag-comply. With my two boys - hay naku, incorrigible na, unteachable pa. Kaya pag may nakita akong kakalat-kalat na gamit nila, I just throw them in their rooms. haha!
Carol B. 10.15.07 at 11:57 pm
Wala akong anak pero nakaka-relate ako dito. Meron akong sister na may 4 kids at neighbors kami noong nandyan pa kami sa Pinas. Isa sa pamangkin ko always wants to stay with us (me and hubby). She would sleep with us most days. Uwi lang sa kanila to play with her siblings. At a young age (maybe 3 years old), I explained to her my house rules. Like she can’t go to bed without brushing her teeth, taking a quick shower and changing into pajamas. These became a routine. One time we came from a party, while hubby waits for me to get all my seremonyas in the bathroom get done, he laid down on the bed. Gosh, we were surprised when my niece said “Tatay, di ka pwede matulog sa bed hindi ka pa naglilinis at nagtu-toothbrush.”
Dahil nga she stays with us most of the time, para na rin namin siyang anak. I feel proud kapag she shows signs of independency. Like when I was asked to keep the children company coz my sister has to take her hubby to the hospital. I was surprised when this niece woke up in middle of the night, went to the room where their milk and bottles with water were placed at nagtimpla ng gatas niya while still half asleep. She was almost four then. I was amazed and at the same time guilty dahil feeling ko I should be doing it. My sister trained her elder kids that way kasi sunod-sunod anak niya. O siguro tamad lang sister ko to wake up several times at night.
Lee 10.16.07 at 9:45 am
the laundry item that brings trouble the most are socks. I have a feeling that socks are cannibalistic in nature in the sense that the dominant pair devours the other resulting to unmatched and unpaired socks. How many unpaired socks do you have? Me, I stopped counting.
Connie 10.16.07 at 9:57 am
rhodora, feel na feel ko yung word na ginamit mo — deadma hahaha I peeked at the mess Sam left this morning — half consumed popcorn, empty glass of juice, laptop ON THE CHAIR, dirty clothes on the floor. I didn’t touch anything. Bahala sya magligpit pagbalik nya.
Carol B., Wow! If my daughters could make their own milk at 4 years old I wouldn’t have eyebags today. Hindi na nga eyeBAG, MALETA na. LOL
Lee, ah, we don’t have too many unpaired socks. But we have TONS of socks that whatever I do refuse to go back to their original white color.
carmela 10.16.07 at 1:08 pm
I can relate to your situation when my children were growing up. When they were young (7, 6, 4 yrs old) I called a meeting and told them (husband included) I can’t do all the chores in the house. I listed chores for them (husband included) to do with increasing difficulty as they grow older . There were also dos and don’ts rules. It was not easy but with proper guidance they did their best. Of course we listened and settled complaints. I can never forget the smile they have on their faces when I praise and thank them for doing their chores and then later surprise them with their weekly treats.
My children were not perfect and there were calls from schools, suspensions from classes, skipping classes, etc. and they were punished.
Before the eldest went to college we all sat down and discussed obligations. We told them we are not rich but we will work our butt off to send them all to college. That was our obligation as a parent and their obligation is to finish college. Thereafter, they are free to explore the real world as they please on their own.
Finally, we told them that we do not expect payback of any sorts. We thought by saying so
we give them total independence to run their own lives. They are all married, so far so good. We are now an empty nester, very very good.
Mitchteryosa 10.16.07 at 6:18 pm
Medyo “ouch” ako sa mga comments hehehe! Ako naman lumaki kasi na madaming nakatira sa aming mga pinsan na paaral (nung medyo well-off pa kami), that was when I was in grade school hanggang almost matapos ng HS. Pero later on natuto na din naman ako kahit paano. When I insisted na mag-aral sa Manila nung College. At first, they were hesitant na payagan ako kasi nga ni di ako marunong magsaing. But I promised na I’ll do my best na mabuhay mag-isa. Ayun, natuto naman kahit paano and I slowly picked up the rest of the things that I needed to learn when I got married, pero syempre may mga sablay pa din minsan hehe!
geri 10.16.07 at 10:44 pm
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my sister on the phone and she mentioned that their helper went home. I asked her what the problem was and she said she guessed she just got tired. Of what? I asked. Well you know the kids, she answered, for every little thing “yaya, where is my…? yaya, where is my…?” And she has 3 kids 10,9,8 years old. I’ve lived away from home for more 20 years (20 years of no maid) but I still can remember the days where I relied heavily on the maids to find things I misplaced. But that seems eons away now especially having lived here in the US for 4 years.
That is admirable how you are doing away with helpers, that is very rare in the Philippines. Having the house to yourselves does have its advantages.
Cindy Ozouf 10.17.07 at 12:20 am
I was just looking at the link you had for “Mission Hills” I can not believe that you can buy a house there for less than a $100,000 CDN. That is freaking amazing. My husband and I were contemplating moving to the Philippines when he was away for business in Manila, but decided against it because I am way too sheltered LOL! at least I can admit it!! I just can’t believe how reasonable it is.
pinayhekmi 10.17.07 at 3:57 am
I used to (quietly) rage at my mom for being a clean freak. My chores, if I don’t do them to her specification, they were done wrong. I would always ask myself, why doesn’t she do it herself then!?!
Now that I have my own home, I am also a clean freak. And when woody don’t clean things the way I do them, they’re done wrong.
Well I’m getting better at not being critical. At least he’s helping. And with a baby, I’m also becoming less of a clean freak. No energy and time na eh.
Oh yea, we don’t iron. We both suck at it.
Connie 10.17.07 at 8:32 am
I have to admit that I’m not a good housekeeper. The only thing I’m really great at around the house is the kitchen. I so hate folding clothes, cleaning windows, moving books and stuff to clean the shelves.
My father was the clean freak. I used to tell him that there ought to be a cover, like those meant for an oven toaster, for the entire house so that no dust gets in when no one’s home. He used to lay out old newspapers on the kitchen floor when he fried fish so that splatters were easier to clean. My mother, on the other hand, spent her says reading romance. Ugh.
Cindy, if you pay spot cash, you get as much as 40% off the list price.
julie 10.17.07 at 9:31 am
Re laundry, we have a good laundry service that we go to, charging Php25/kilo. No need to have some clothes that need to be ironed, well, ironed since these are folded carefully and are quite soft. Some clothes are ironed too forPhp55/kilo. We just wash the undergarments at home.
My 12yo daughter Trixie is able to look after herself during days she gets home earlier than us. She can cook rice and her own food.I always have her pork steak or fish fillet read for her to cook for dinner. She gets to clean after the dog too but doesn’t clean her room too often. I always tell Trixie, only she can help herself.
Glad to know your daughters are starting to be responsible. One of the most wonderful things we can teach our children,I believe. Btw, is Mission Hills the one going to Teresa?
feng 10.17.07 at 6:37 pm
talking about the fully automatic washing machine, naalala ko tuloy nung first time kong maglaba ng sarili kong clothes. I was 17 then, parents got a dorm for me in College so pag-uwi ko, saka pa lang malalabahan ang one-week na damit in school. and Mom was training me to be independent para at ako na daw maglaba ng sarili kong damit. i didn’t know that bras and stockings and undies (shame) eh hindi na dapat nai sasama sa washing machine. pero sa laziness ko, naisama ko na rin. kaya ayun, yung wacoal na bras (na ang sales talk pa naman ng sa Dept store eh “lawlaw na dede mo, pero ang bra hindi pa sira”) eh halos di ko na masuot sa sobrang durog durog na. pati yung stockings, naku disaster.
Connie 10.18.07 at 8:24 am
Julie, we tried laundry service during the aftermath of Milenyo. My goodness, ang gastos! But then again, we use comforters at home
Mission Hills is along ML Quezon Street.
feng, stockings in the washing machine??? hehehehe