The line is from an article published in Fortwayne.com in reference to a new parenting model based on a philosophy followed by a group of fathers, in particular, Brian Reid of rebeldad.com who is also a contributor to Washington Post’s On Balance.
“Some fathers are still going to work 80 hours a week,” he said. “But with modern technology and more flexible workplaces, a lot more guys have the possibility of being at play group on Tuesday morning. Working fathers, stay-at-home fathers or some sort of combination - what unifies us all is wanting to play an active role in our children’s lives.”
It is about fathers who “alter their careers to fit their family life, rather than the other way around.”
I am not a father but I know exactly what that means. It was a choice I made twice in my life after I became a mother.
I wish ALL fathers had the opportunity to make that choice. I wish there were no cultural and social pressures that make a lot of fathers think that fathers who enjoy spending more time with the kids than slaving away at work are queer. The way Filipino culture is, I think we’re a long way away from such a scenario. Even if the choice were there, in a society where men still live with the stereotype that fathers make a living while the mother raises the kids, I doubt that many men will jump at the opportunity.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Jon Limjap 06.26.07 at 9:50 pm
Heh, to hell with what other people would think. If I had the opportunity to adjust my schedule to maximize time with my family, I would.
Sam 06.27.07 at 8:38 am
Hi Con - I know a lot of daddies who make time for their kids and/or manage their time properly. Maybe other daddies are constrained to spend a lot of time at the office or on the road because of financial need and/or the corporate set-up which can be pretty rigorous and competitive and stressful….But given the choice I think they’d want to be there for the kids..
Kongkong 06.27.07 at 9:48 am
I totally agree with you. It’s the “macho” culture that is so pervasive here sa Pinas. Lately though, there have been greater opportunities for women which is why there is an increasing number of SAHH’s and/or part-time husbands in the workplace.
Speedy 06.27.07 at 1:28 pm
Basta ako, I turned down two career promotions back in the 90’s to be with my family. To be an area manager- Php #######. Watch your kids grow up- Priceless….
Connie 06.27.07 at 3:22 pm
Great for you, Jon!
Sam, alam mo, a lot of men use work as an excuse not to spend time with the family. What really bugs me is that many are more concerned about pleasing the boss than pleasing the family.
Kongkong, I am hoping that the trend really opens doors. You know, reassess lifestyles so that we work to live rather than live to work.
Speedy, mwah! You don’t feel you made the wrong choice naman, di ba?
Jon Limjap 06.28.07 at 7:07 am
Men who use work as an escape from the family is a sign of trouble; it means that there’s something to escape from. A nagging wife perhaps? A monster-in-law?
Or maybe there’s something, or worse, some*one* in the office that keeps them there. A colleague? A sexytary?
Anyway my point is that I doubt that work is ever the *only* reason. Especially in jobs where overtime is not usually required.
JohnnyO 07.07.07 at 8:04 am
I like the article & I appreciate it. Being a Dad I am fighting this very struggle now - balancing work dedication and home dedication. Fortunately, at times we can work flexible hours and at home - so that is tremendous. But I sometimes feel Dads now have a larger burden then before - trying to do a lot of everything. Thanks for sharing - JohnnyO http://fatherhoodmatters.blogspot.com
ligaya 08.28.07 at 8:57 pm
My Dad was forced to be an entrepreneur out of necessity - he was “voluntarily resigned” from PAL as a civil engineer back in 1998 (the height of the strikes and all). But I think he made the best decision of his life - to start a small business which wouldn’t be so big as to occupy him again and take him away from his kids. Unfortunately it came too late for him and my Mum, but that’s another story. What counts is that he’s shifted his priorities and now he knows where they truly lie.
Anyways, I’ve enjoyed my blog-hopping, but as I am the only person left in the office I better go on ahead.
Connie 08.28.07 at 10:23 pm
JohnnyO, you got pretty nice blog there.
ligaya, when something happens and we think it’s tragic, well, minsan years later we’d realize that it was actually an opportunity for something better. i can sympathize with your dad. i quit lawyering to raise my daughters and i don’t regret it.